Thursday, August 14, 2014

A Change to Zoloft



So today was the appointment I have been waiting for and I did get a change.

I am stopping my generic Prozac and beginning Zoloft, tomorrow when I can pick up my prescription.  I will still be on Wellbutrin. Here’s to maybe better times ahead.

My only experience with Zoloft was watching my Mom take it. When she was first diagnosed with what we found out would be front temporal dementia, she had no emotions. She did not laugh, cry, tantrum, giggle, nothing. She was just sitting there staring into no where. Zoloft gave her emotions. She could laugh and cry, tantrum and giggle like before. She was on it and she kept having those emotions even though she had extreme aphasia.

Other then that, not much is going on. Go to work, come home, walk the dog, read, sleep…. How are you doing?

Picture from Imagebase

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Mental Health and The Spotlight

Why does it take a celebrity suicide to bring attention to mental health and suicide? Why does it take this to have people turn their attention to mental health? 

I distresses me a little when this happens. It is sad. It makes me think of my struggles. There are people who are trying to erase stigma and show people how you can lead a life with mental illness. They write as they can or they talk to people, that will listen, about their struggles. They may be accused of posting frivolous and negative things on Facebook. These are the unsung advocates, who like me, aren't noticed. 

I strive to break stigma a little with each post. I try to get mental health struggles talked about in general conversation. I try to get people to see and open up about their hidden struggles. 

I just wish it did not take a celebrity death to get us to talk about these things. 

When I wanted to die, I could not see anything but a bleak future. I thought that no one would really notice that I was gone. My life had basically no worth and why would I stick around if I have no worth?

I do not think about my death very much. My therapist asked if I am suicidal at my last therapy appointment and I could honestly say that no I am not. 


Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Dear Schweppes…

I first spied Schweppes Agrum in a small French market. It was a warm day and I was thirsty. Did I want my old stand by Coke Zero? No. I saw this in the store and said, “I will try that.”


That is when my two week obsession began. I had it whenever I could. I got it in restaurants and in stores. We bought some to keep in the car and in the hotel room as we went from place to place.

In the airport, I bought 4 to bring home. Had I known, I would have filled my suitcase with it, if I could get away with it. Never mind the wine, I should have packed Agrum.

After two weeks in France, we get home and start to Google. Can you get Agrum in the United States?

The answer to that is a big N-O!

I can not seem to find it online to buy or in any of the European type stores in Boston. It was a big let down. We were considering having my guy’s French cousin send us some. Yes, mailed Schweppes Agrum.

Please  Schweppes, there are a growing amount of Americans, who after visiting France, would love to drink Agrum when we got home. Please Schweppes, make it available online, if not in stores. You would have a very happy customer. I look at the shelves of Schweppes ginger ales and think, “Agrum should be here!”

I will have to go back to France next year just to drink Schweppes Agrum.

A Hopeful Fan in Quincy,MA

Friday, August 1, 2014

Yes, I Am Majorly Depressed

I had a really intense therapy appointment today and I will see her next Friday as well.

This appointment showed me how much I have fallen into depression, yet again.  I don’t want to do anything. My self care has gone down the shower. I can’t really concentrate on reading. I have a constant headache. I want to sleep ALL THE TIME.  My appetite is all over the place, mostly gone. I am crying.  Thoughts of total unworthiness has taken over!

I did ask about this new therapy called Low Field Magnetic Stimulation and she had heard of it but told me to talk to the med NP about it so I will. It is based here in Boston and I am intrigued.

So when I see the med NP in two weeks, I am going to request all new medicine. It is time to give something a try. My current regime of Prozac and Wellbutrin is just not cutting it anymore.

So the shadow is stalking me again and it is all over the place.  That is what is going on with me.

I think I need to reinstate my Happy Things post and inject some of my Jennifer appeal into this blog. Small changes will hopefully be coming soon. With depression, things take time, unfortunately.