Monday, January 27, 2014

Ending the Roller Coaster

Have you ever done something that did not work over and over again? Yet you continue to do and expect different results. After seeing a friend post 20 years of Weight Watchers weigh in books, I began to think.  I have been paying Weight Watchers on and off for 30 years (even when I was 9 years old!), and I have lost 100 pounds, gained 100 pounds, lost 100 pounds, gained 100 pounds….

At some point the insanity has got to stop.

After years of putting my body through hell, I am going to stop.

I know how to eat healthy. I know what my body likes and what it does not. 

I want to focus on eating healthy and treating myself well including exercising, getting enough sleep, laughing and living healthy in mind.

With the help of my guy, I am going to forge ahead.

Have you ever done anything over and over and realized, it has got to stop?

Tonight I made Kale and Cannellini Bean soup with Italian Sausage. I love love love it. It was really simple to make and is a good way for me to get some veggies. Since it is going to be freezing again tomorrow, I will have some soup for lunch.

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Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Self Worth and Weight

Numbers, with me, they have the power to bring me down. Way down.

About two weeks ago, I started Weight Watchers Online again. I had been to the doctor that day so I set my weight (279) based on that weigh in. I did not weigh in for two weeks. I kept track of my food, tried to get exercise when I could and thought that I actually felt good.

Since the scale I had at home was banged up and bruised, I ordered one from Amazon. It came and this morning, I peaked outside at the snow and hopped on the scale. It showed 295.

I stepped off in defeat and tried my best not to cry. While I did not cry, it did not go well in my head. All sorts "you suck", "that's what you get" and its brethren went through my head.

16 pounds. 

There is no way that I gained 16 lbs over two weeks.

That I used the doctor's scale was probably not the best idea but I did. 

I kept track of what I ate, tried to make healthy choices.  I thought well maybe I should have eaten blah, blah, blah to make that number I got this morning worth it. 

Why do I do this? How can this inanimate thing have so much control over me?

Why do I hate myself? 

I am trying to put off that number and just continue on but.......







Tuesday, January 21, 2014

To Hibernate

It is snowing here again.

I am trying not to hibernate.

It is so  cold though and the snow…..

I will hibernate just for tonight.

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Thursday, January 9, 2014

Ingress!

I have a new addiction.

It isn’t a bad one. Not really. It encourages me to get out, to walk around and perhaps even meet people.

It is all the man’s fault. Really. I found out about it because of him.

I play Ingress.

It is a virtual reality games based in reality.

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It takes the map around you and inserts portals in landmarks and sights. The two green spots near the top of the above picture, they are portal. This is a portal below. You can add things to portals, attack portals, and do all sorts of shenanigans from them.

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There are two teams. The Enlightened are green and the Resistance are blue. The Enlightened are fighting for control of the portals against the Resistance. It is all over XM, the little dots you see. The Enlightened are hoping to keep the XM and the Resistance wants to eliminate all XM.

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Whatever gets you moving, right?

And getting moving is what I need. It even got me out and about in the really cold weather recently.

Monday, January 6, 2014

I am here!

Hi there!

I have dropped off the face of the blog world and am struggling to get back to right.

I am working again and in the same line of work before, lease administration for a commercial, retail and industrial property owner.

Santana, my old dog, went back to his previous owner and I miss him a whole lot.

We were in Petco getting cat food one day when the man saw a sign for a pit-bull that needed a new home and well, here he is:

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Bailey has totally grown on me. The cats are unhappy but they will get over it.

I am not sure where I want this blog to go to in 2014. More books? More of my personality? Loves/dislikes?

I am going to be experimenting over the next few posts.