Tuesday, July 29, 2014

A Blogher 2014 Re-Cap

I had the opportunity to attended Blogher 2014 in San Jose, California this weekend.  The last time I attended Blogher was in 2012 and had some good, the bad and the downright ugly and it sort of turned me off from Blogher. Fast forward to 2014 and I decided to sign up.

The conference this was different then the other 3 I have attended. In some ways, it was much better and in some, it was totally underwhelming.

The Underwhelming

The Expo Center was totally underwhelming. I avoided half of the Expo because I neither have a baby or children and I do not monetize my blog.  Where was the Sun from previous years?  I just wish there were more brands that I could connect with.

I blog to break stigma. I blog to see that average every day people have mental illness. I blog to show that I am just an average person. It is therapy for me and whether or not people read me, I will continue to blog about the crazy thoughts that populate my head.I was hoping to be reinvigorated but I get home feeling like the fun has gone out of blogging.  Perhaps that is the depression talking. I was feeling pretty down about myself. I felt like I did not fit in and  that was the depression talking. I spent a lot of time wandering around. I tried to be friendly and out going but sometimes I felt that it just wasn’t enough.

I spent a lot of time wandering. I had looked at the session guides and none of the descriptions jumped out at me. I wanted to attend sessions.  I found out after speaking to a speaker that said the session description did not match the session that they were going to teach. Why were the descriptions wrong?

The Awesomeness

Some of the booths in the Expo Hall were awesome. The Pets Add Life booth was great. I got to have my picture taken with their dog and it was one of the highlights of my conference.


I got to hang out with old and new friends. Evidently, my outgoing ways rubbed off on some people because I did meet a lot of cool people and I was allowed to say that I am a Mental Health blogger and people did not look at me with eyes that say I have ten heads.

The Mrs Band is really cool. I cried during the video because I totally struggle in this regard. I look at the mirror and see ugliness and a person who is unworthy. Years of therapy has not changed this at all. I was in tears watching this video.


And of course the song is just awesome.

Will the message finally sink in? I hope so.

I will have more tomorrow when I can think clearly. I have a head ache from crying during the song. Yes, I know. Plus, I have to charge the Samsung camera to get the pictures off of it.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Change Change Change

I had my medication appointment this week. It went OK. I was hoping for more a change like changing my two medications but she just added 10 milligrams on to my Prozac prescription. We shall see how it works. 
I see her in a month regardless to see how things are going since the change and I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I have been all over the board these last few days emotions-wise. The other night I was crying and honestly, I did not know why. 

The medication doctor had told me that my life has totally changed and maybe that change is starting to catch up to me. In the last year:

  • I got laid off after being at a company for 10 years, out of the blue.
  • After posting a whole post about how I was meant to be alone, I met the guy and we have been together for a year and living together for 10 months. He has not killed me yet.
  • Guy's teenage son comes about every other weekend.
  • We got a dog.

  • I got a new job at a company with a very different dynamic.
  • Guy's teenage son is going to be moving in with us next month. My apartment is going to rearranged
  • Blogher is next week and well, that brings my anxiety and not good enough thoughts to my head.   

It has just been a whirlwind year. I can see where she has a point. What is next?        

Thursday, July 10, 2014

How to Deal With Depression and Anxiety During Blogher 2014

I am going to my 4th Blogger in two weeks. Even after 4 years, it is overwhelming. In situations where I know no one, I tend to revert to my introverted side and being around hundreds of women and some men that I have never met or read is wicked scary to me. 

I try to be "up" in new situations but being "up" is physically and mentally exhausting.  It takes a lot of internal guts for me to go up to someone that I do not know and say "Hello". All of the "Will they like me?" or "What if they hate my blog?" or "How the hell am I going to describe my blog" gets shoved down and the welcoming smiling friendly gregarious (I was called that recently) comes out.

Here is how I deal with it.

1. Coping mechanisms will be kept handy. I will have a book (maybe two or three) with me. If it gets to be too much, I will find a quiet corner and read for a bit. I used to retreat to the Serenity Suite but that is not an option.

2. Recite the mantra in my head.  "I am good enough" over and over until I start to believe it.

3.Don't be afraid to show your true feelings. I lost my phone at the San Diego Blogher. I was dealing with family issues and I totally broke down. I was crying. People stopped to help me. They even got AT&T to donate a phone until I could replace mine. They were awesome and they helped me. I eventually found my phone through Twitter. People will be there for you. 

As someone who has been really struggling lately. I am totally looking forward to the medication appointment I have next week. I am going to be true to myself. I am not perfect and I know I can handle it if I get anxious and depressed. 

I will be around just look for the tall freckled red head with a bit of a Boston accent. 

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

A Day At The Market–France Part 2

There is one thing I wish Boston had. I wish we had a really good public market like other cities do. There is an outdoor market but the vegetables there leave a lot to be desired and you have to watch to see if they put rotten vegetables in the bag.

In France, I had the opportunity to hit the weekly market in Bourgueil and it was one of my favorite things about France. Here it is, in pictures.




The vegetables!


The cheese!


This man wanted to trade his apron for a trip to America.


The bread!


Plants and animals. I wanted the chicken.



Buying langoustines to have with dinner that night. I loved them!

I already want to go back to a market like this. The guy has said we may go back to France next year so I am hoping!

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

I Went to France! Part 1

I can not believe that it is already July! I have been a big time blogging procrastinator but I am going to Blogher at the end of the month and I am hoping that it injects some blogging mojo into me.

Last week, I got back from France. It was an amazing time and an amazing opportunity for me. I am very thankful that I was invited along. I am in the process of gathering photos from various cameras.


A wine lover stuck in wine country. I will take it!


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From this spot, we could go on various day trips. There were wine caves to go to and chateaus to visit and visit we did.



We visited the city of Tours and I liked visiting Tours more then I did Paris.


I struggled emotionally in France. I did not have my regular coping mechanism of escape. I was staying with nine people and it was hard to find time alone. I also had a hard time staying “up”. Some days I felt better then others. I am going to my doctor to change my medicine because it is time but maybe I should have done it before France. Oh well, it is done.

Tomorrow more about my market trip and chateau visits…..