Thursday, May 22, 2014

A Weight Off My Chest



Where to begin.

Even with this blog, I still hold things back.

I had a little breakdown with the guy the other day. It started when I talked about how dopey I have been feeling since the Topamax, that I have been taking for migraines, was doubled.

I have been flaky when I can honestly say. I am not really a flaky person. When I say I will do something, I will generally do it. I have just been forgetting everything. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the decreased amount will stop it. 

As I went from this topic to how I have been feeling about myself and how I really need to change my depression medication because I have been feeling down more often and feeling lower each time. Even the guy has noticed. When I started on that track, it got to how unhappy I am about myself.

Very unhappy. I admitted that I am totally afraid to lose weight. The weight is still my armor and that I still want to be invisible.  Yet, I want to be healthy. I want to lose weight. At least part of me does. I know this sounds like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo but seriously, it is what is going on in my head. My guy listened to me and said that he understands that I have been holding that in. That he will help me do whatever I decide. 

For once in a relationship, I do not have to hold that side of me a "dark secret". I can finally be honest.  I can finally say, "Yes, I suffer from major depressive disorder. I have anxiety. Not it is not a part of me but yes, it does totally effect me."

My anxiety has also been sky high. Coincidence? I think not.  


5 comments:

  1. Years ago I wrote a blog post about how my weight is my protection!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's great that you know you can be honest. I'm sorry you are going through a rough time with the depression.

    ReplyDelete
  3. There is something so refreshing about having someone that you can be completely honest to like that. He will be your rock.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hope your med changes help you.....take care.

    ReplyDelete
  5. It definitely doesn't sound like mumbo jumbo-- it makes a lot of sense. I hope that a med adjustment will help things even out so you can start tackling more things. And it's wonderful that you have a guy who you're free to share things with. Nothing beats not having to hide.

    ReplyDelete

I love your comments!