Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Self Worth and Weight

Numbers, with me, they have the power to bring me down. Way down.

About two weeks ago, I started Weight Watchers Online again. I had been to the doctor that day so I set my weight (279) based on that weigh in. I did not weigh in for two weeks. I kept track of my food, tried to get exercise when I could and thought that I actually felt good.

Since the scale I had at home was banged up and bruised, I ordered one from Amazon. It came and this morning, I peaked outside at the snow and hopped on the scale. It showed 295.

I stepped off in defeat and tried my best not to cry. While I did not cry, it did not go well in my head. All sorts "you suck", "that's what you get" and its brethren went through my head.

16 pounds. 

There is no way that I gained 16 lbs over two weeks.

That I used the doctor's scale was probably not the best idea but I did. 

I kept track of what I ate, tried to make healthy choices.  I thought well maybe I should have eaten blah, blah, blah to make that number I got this morning worth it. 

Why do I do this? How can this inanimate thing have so much control over me?

Why do I hate myself? 

I am trying to put off that number and just continue on but.......







7 comments:

  1. I often wonder if scales do us more harm than good. They attach a number but that number varies so wildly from scale to scale. But please don't give up, continue to make the healthy choices and you most definitely will see a difference.

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  2. Oh I can't possibly imagine you gained 16 pounds in two weeks. One of the scales is not calibrated properly.

    I hear you about the weight. I got so sick of it I joined Diets To Go. They send all the food to your house. I joined like 2 weeks ago and my freezer is full of food, and do you think I've started? Uh, that would be a BIG no. Cannot seem to get the motivation. Ugh.

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  3. IAWTAC...

    but also, I learned to never ever base any kind of anything on the difference between weights from two different scales. i.e. If you put your scale next to your doctors scale, I bet there's a difference even when you step from one to the other. I know that it's hard to get out from under the negativity once it starts, but I hope that knowing that your scale and your doctors scale are calibrated differently and so will give different weights helps at least a little! You're totally right...there's no way that you gained 16 lbs in two weeks...so use the weight from your scale to start measuring progress going forward, and understand that it's likely not a 100% accurate weight, but it can still show you when you're moving up or down!

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  4. I have found that weighing yourself can be self-defeating and that the best thing to do is focus on behaviors, not numbers. That is, look at your typical habits (types and amount food eaten, exercise types and numbers) and try to slowly improve on them week by week. I started this way by slow reduction in quantities of all food and then worked my way to drastic reduction in some foods (but never eliminated anything). I also slowly built up exercise numbers and never pushed myself into a place that was unsustainable for the rest of my life. Yes, progress is slower that way, but it is also permanent. In the end, you may not be skinny, but you will be smaller and you will be in control of your life in ways that you find meaningful.

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  5. I completely understand how you feel. I've learned you've really got to stop focusing on the scale. While it's a good indicator of progress, it can really zap motivation if it doesn't go the way you want it to. What are the reasons behind your weight loss? If they're about being a certain weight or looking a certain way, it's hard to stay motivated and easy to get discouraged (I know from experience!). If you focus on more long term reasons like being healthy or developing a healthy lifestyle, it's harder to get discouraged. By going for a long-term reason, you're in it for the long haul. It's a life style change and you do it by building habits in how you eat and your exercise routine. Measure progress more by you clothes fitting differently than by the numbers. By changing how you look at it, you change your response to it. You can do it! I know you can. :)

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  6. I wish people would stop with all of the b.s. programs to lose weight. all you need is virgin coconut oil. Cheap and works. No more dieting or workouts.
    just to teaspoons a day. Read more about it.
    http://www.culturallycool.com/coconut-oil.htm

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    Replies
    1. Sorry I meant two teaspoons a day.

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