Numbers, with me, they have the power to bring me down. Way down.
About two weeks ago, I started Weight Watchers Online again. I had been to the doctor that day so I set my weight (279) based on that weigh in. I did not weigh in for two weeks. I kept track of my food, tried to get exercise when I could and thought that I actually felt good.
Since the scale I had at home was banged up and bruised, I ordered one from Amazon. It came and this morning, I peaked outside at the snow and hopped on the scale. It showed 295.
I stepped off in defeat and tried my best not to cry. While I did not cry, it did not go well in my head. All sorts "you suck", "that's what you get" and its brethren went through my head.
There is no way that I gained 16 lbs over two weeks.
That I used the doctor's scale was probably not the best idea but I did.
I kept track of what I ate, tried to make healthy choices. I thought well maybe I should have eaten blah, blah, blah to make that number I got this morning worth it.
Why do I do this? How can this inanimate thing have so much control over me?
Why do I hate myself?
I am trying to put off that number and just continue on but.......