Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Wanting to Be Alone


This post may or may not be a little triggering and it is 100% true and real. It might not be for everyone.

I struggle with wanting attention from men. When someone pays attention to me in a intimate type of way, it freaks me out. I struggle with the fact that I do not want any attention and honestly, deep down inside I want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want to be invisible and it is holding me back from finding someone and losing weight because fat=invisibility. It is kind of a paradox. I take up more room but yet, no one really sees me.

I am told that I am a good person and would be a good catch (if it was not for my weight) but I don't want to be.

How does one get past this besides a ton of therapy? 

This has been the problem when I lost weight before. I hated the attention. How to get over this? Baby steps? 

6 comments:

  1. Baby steps indeed. And don't immediately brush off therapy. I think everyone on earth should have a therapist! It's cathartic and they help us work through things.

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  2. I think that therapy would definitely help you with this, but so would some exploration of your feelings. It is possible that you are just a person who does not desire or require intimacy from others. It's also possible that you so fear rejection that you "pre-reject" everyone to spare you the possible pain.

    For most of my life, I've weighed over 300 lbs., and even though I've lost a lot of weight (though I'm still 50 lbs. overweight), I still don't like to hug or be touched by anyone except my husband. He's the only person that I fully trust not to find it disgusting in some way to touch me.If you're told long enough and often enough that you are disgusting, you believe it and become so uncomfortable with yourself that you won't let people get close to you.

    I'm not saying this is the case with you, but it is worth considering. You may actually want to be alone. You may be telling yourself that you want to be alone as a way of making peace with what you view as inevitable singlehood/loneliness. Only you can know by growing and understanding yourself better.

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    1. It is a little bit of that. Mostly it is that I never really got over the harassment that I want through a kid and I feel totally unworthy. I tend to expect the worst so hopefully I won't be hurt again. It is just a big combination of everything.

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  3. Baby steps...and therapy...you got it. I am not into attention from others, either, and struggle with it often. My therapist has offered hugs before after difficult sessions, and I always shy away from it. I am overweight, as well, but I think it's more of a depression versus self-esteem thing. I am afraid to let people near me because they might really see the pain that I am in...

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  4. I agree with baby steps and therapy. Therapy doesn't have to go on forever. A good therapist can set goals with you and work with you towards what you want to achieve.

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    1. Really Tina, therapy does not go for ever. Better to set some proper goals and start working on them on the timely basis with 100% input from your side, if you really want to be fit and avoid such type of problems and uneasiness. I think this is the best way to move on to achieve what you want.
      Kristy @ YourOptions.com

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