One of the hardest things to me about being depressed is my feeling of hopelessness and unworthiness that I can not shake at all. And it all hides in my head.
My friend told me that people want to talk to me. That I am outgoing and talkative and far from ugly. Yet in my head the war is raging. I feel that in 40 years, if I am still here, I will feel the same way. That pervasive unworthiness that is every present in my thinking.
I am unworthy for love, happiness, everything. I keep thinking it over and over like a broken record.
Obviously ruminating over my unworthiness makes it worse. It is something I chew over in my brain and drives me crazy.
I been feeling this a lot lately and why I am sort of avoiding my blog. I don’t want to admit it but I am sliding backwards a bit. One step ahead, three back but yet I persevere on. I will be posting more again because I need it.