Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Inishbofin Cowl

I was going to write about how much I am run down, etc. but I decided to be positive and talk about a knitting project I actually finished.

I finished the Inishbofin Cowl by Heidi Todd Kozar from Knitscene Accessories. The first project that I finished in a while.

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I could not block it to the right dimensions but I like it anyways!

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It is hard trying to take a picture of yourself  wearing the cowl that could actually show the cowl. I like it though. I think I will knit a pair of mittens next.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Thanksgiving Break

I took a short little break from computers this weekend.  It was just what I needed. I tried to keep myself busy since a few days home alone would not be good for me.

I did a bunch of shopping but got no gifts.

I cooked dinner for my father, my brother and Not So Secret Sister. Everyone got along and I was so busy that I did not take pictures. I was just wanting to get through the dinner so I could take a nap and nap I did after I told Not So Secret Sister that I was a exhausted and really wanted to sleep.

I enjoyed the dinner and shopping with my friend but by Saturday I was feeling the need to be alone. To combat this, I went into Boston to the post office then to Macy’s. Any place but home. On Sunday, it was a similar feeling. I just wanted to curl up and be down. I also got out on a Christmas tea quest, which I conquered.

How was your holiday, or if you aren’t here in the States, your weekend?

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Jen Reads: Beautiful Disaster

Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire was one of those books that I could not put down but yet it totally disturbed me. I read it fairly quickly and then had to think about it.

The book description from Goodreads:

INTENSE. DANGEROUS. ADDICTIVE.
Abby Abernathy is a good girl. She doesn’t drink or swear, and she has the appropriate number of cardigans in her wardrobe. Abby believes she has enough distance from the darkness of her past, but when she arrives at college with her best friend, her path to a new beginning is quickly challenged by Eastern University’s Walking One-Night Stand.
Travis Maddox, lean, cut, and covered in tattoos, is exactly what Abby wants—and needs—to avoid.

He spends his nights winning money in a floating fight ring, and his days as the ultimate college campus charmer. Intrigued by Abby’s resistance to his appeal, Travis tricks her into his daily life with a simple bet. If he loses, he must remain abstinent for a month. If Abby loses, she must live in Travis’s apartment for the same amount of time. Either way, Travis has no idea that he has met his match

If there is such a thing as a totally unhealthy relationship, this book qualifies.

The main male character has slept with every woman on campus, it seems and they are all “sluts” and “whores” and stupid. The main female character agrees with his view of the women of his past.

There is a definite blurring of the line between love and absolute total obsession. When Travis finds out that Abby has done something he does not like, he totally flips out. He can not control his anger at all when it comes to her. He beats people up if they even joke with her.

And she puts up with it and the book ends up having a disgusting happy ending. At the library, the book is marked young adult. I am concerned that someone will read this and think that sort of relationship is normal and that is not the message that should be carried over from this book.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

A Mish Mash

I have had a weekend of ups and downs. This morning I had a hard time actually getting out of bed. I laid there and stared at the ceiling. Since I live alone, no one needed me. I  had no motivation to actually get out. After putting the blanket over my head for a while, I needed coffee and that constituted actually getting out of bed and so I did.

Here I sit at a Starbucks using their internet drinking a Caramel Spice Apple Cider. At least I am up and about, right?

I went out with friends last night to a Christmas Eve tree lighting at Faneuil Hall in Boston.

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After the tree lighting I went  to get a few drinks with a good friend to the Bell in Hand in Boston. I used to go there a lot about 9 years ago and I have a hard time reconciling that yes, it has been 9 years since I was 30. I had a great time with my friend and I was talking to a 25 year old. The person was born when I was a freshman in high school! My friend thought I should have gotten his number but I could not do it, even though he was really handsome.

Is it so bad that I want someone near my own age? Who I can talk about certain things and they know what I am talking about?

I have been feeling more and more that I am meant to be alone yet I do not want to be but that it is inevitable. It is hard to explain.

 

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The whole Hostess debacle in the news makes me sad and mad. Never mind that the American icon (no matter if it may be immortal and horrible for you) will most likely be gone but something like 18,500 people will be out of a job and the crooks that run Hostess got huge raises and expected their employees to make up for it. It makes me sick. I did however eat the Twinkies

I am reading a book that I can not put down that but it disturbs me on so many levels. It is called Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire. What is the line between an obsession and love? I will be writing more about this when I finish it and digest it a little.

How was your weekend?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Thanksgiving Thoughts

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving next week.

Turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie and 4 days off. I CAN NOT WAIT.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I like Christmas but it has a lot of stress. Easter is good too but Thanksgiving is more laid back for me. No “Will she hate me because I got her XXXXXXXXX?” It is just easier.

I will be cooking for my Dad, my brother and Not So Secret Santa. It will be a quiet day but the 4 days off is what has me totally excited.

Work has been hell. I am so busy that I never get caught up and never will. I am overwhelmed and I am having a midlife crisis at 39.

Where do I go from here?

Will I be a corporate peon for the next 40 years?

Will it ever get better?

How do I get the courage to take that one step to change?

I want to make a difference in my life. I am not in my current job. I want to help people.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Jen Reads: On A Bender

I have been a reading machine since I last posted a Jen Reads post. A virtual binge of reading.

Some of what I have read:

I liked this book by Donna Russo Morin, a lot. Genevieve Gravois has trained as an assassin by cohorts of King Henry VIII since she was a toddler after the death of her parents. She is sent to the court of French King François and learns that everything she has believe may have been wrong.  I already put more of her books on hold at the library.

I enjoyed this book as well. Elizabeth Stafford, Queen Mary’s maid and daughter of a duke, is married to Thomas Howard, the third Duke of Norfolk. The marriage is rocky and the intrigue that goes on in the court of Henry VIII, kept me reading. Unfortunately, the library does not have more of her books in the network.

I have read a few of Kate Emerson’s book and I like them. They are also set in King Henry VIII’s court and Anne Stafford (the aunt of the main character in Rivals in the Tudor Court) is married to George, Lord Hastings but is drawn to Will Compton, the king’s friend. This is nice reading that makes me forget and keeps me totally entertained.

This book is not set in the court of Henry VIII but instead is set during King John’s time. The dowager queen Eleanor of Aquitaine sets up a marriage between Juliana de Charnais, a woman raised in a convent,  and Guérin de lasalle, a mercenary in the dowager queen’s service. They clash and struggle with the world around them and the court that the marriage was formed in. I will read more of her books.

In a small New York town at the beginning of the 20th century, 16 year old Mattie is forced to find a job in a tourist hotel in town. While she is there, a hotel quest entrusts her with letters then the guest is killed. It is a historical mystery and I really enjoyed it.

It is no mystery that I love historical fiction.  One of little goals for next year is to expand my reading horizons.

There is never enough time and so many books I want to read!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Technical Difficulties

So I managed to avoid the computer all weekend. I hung out with friends and did a lot of reading. I can not say that my mind was much better and I still thought hateful thoughts about myself

More about my weekend tomorrow.

Here are some pictures from the weekend.





Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Support Wednesday: Recovery?

I made it to group tonight. Something about the snow and my birthday blahs and everything else that made it imperative that I go tonight.

I am glad I did.

I was asked what I thought recovery for me would look like and well, I envision recovery as this:

  • I will be able to forgive myself.
  • I will treat myself right and be healthy without thinking because it makes me feel better.
  • Maybe I will get out of bed on 1 alarm in the morning

Forgiveness. What a hard word that is. I have such high expectations about myself. My expectations of others are not nearly as high. I do not forgive myself. In fact it is a trigger to lots of behaviors.  That would be a huge thing for me to forgive myself.

If I could forgive myself, I think the living healthy part would slowly come into place. Maybe just maybe, I could get out of bed.

How do you envision recovery for yourself?

Look at the bracelet I got at the meeting tonight. I think it is a good reminder.

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It says Nourish Your Mind, Nourish Your Body – MEDA

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

A Message

Why can’t I remember that WHEN I TREAT MYSELF WELL, EAT HEALTHY AND HAVE COMPASSION FOR MYSELF, I feel great?

Tomorrow is a new day.

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I am going to print a colorful page and tape it my kitchen wall, the bathroom wall, the living room wall, the bedroom wall……….

Monday, November 5, 2012

A Birthday and Election Musings

Where have I been?

I turned 39 over the weekend and I just could not bring myself to turn on the computer. My birthday was nice. I went and got lunch with Dad and then went with a friend to get Ethiopian for dinner. I love Ethiopian food.

Sunday, I woke up early to take my nephew to his traveling soccer game in Uxbridge. I had never been there before and after having my birthday with a few drinks, I had a hard time getting my nephew at 7:15 am. Thankfully, daylight savings time began the previous night so I did get that extra hour.

I am also sort of happy that the election is tomorrow. I am so tired of the vitriol from both sides. Two years ago I wrote this about open-mindedness and elections but this election season is 100 times worse. I have heard of relatives not talking to each other because someone is voting for someone that you don’t like.  The mess that is Facebook has been over run with arguments that devolve quickly over politics. I might have been defriend when I complained about both parties. I am afraid that our country is so divided now that it worries me. It is bad. Very bad.

This weekend I was driving home from Uxbridge and I heard this week’s This American Life episode – Red State, Blue State.  It really hit home. I have kept my political opinions to myself mostly. Friends know who I plan on voting for and it is not either major political party for president. I am also going to vote for a Republican and a Democrat for other offices. I generally am of the “don’t ask don’t tell” feeling in regards to politics. I keep my voting to myself, for the most part and you keep yours to yourself.

If you don’t like me based on how I vote, I think a re-evaluation of what is important is on order. We are American and want what is best for our country. We need more cooperation and less partisan rhetoric.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

In the Mail

You may know that there is an election here in the States next week. I have already decided who I am voting for but that does not stop this registered independent with being bombarded with mail. This was all I got in today’s mail.

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Yikes! The amount of trees cut down for this boggles my mind.

Yesterday, I did not go to my group. I had to get a filling yesterday afternoon and after the dentist , I just wanted to curl up and take my pain away via taking a nap but it was Halloween and the kids came calling for candy. I got a good amount of kids but I still have candy left over. I am trying to slowly eat it. So far it has been a draw in that war. I lost the last battle but the war is not over.

Do you have any candy strategies?  Mine is to not deny myself and have some but not every time I walk by the bowl. It has been challenging to say the least.