Thursday, December 13, 2012

Review Time

I had my yearly review at work today. In my self evaluation, I was very honest with myself. My work over the past year has not been my best. I have been overwhelmed and somewhat discombobulated.  I feel like I am  being pulled in a thousand directions.

I was aware my work has not the best and I graded myself accordingly.

My boss agreed with me. She wants the smart organized girl of five years ago. I am afraid that girl is gone and just not there now.

She told me she was not talking to me because I always looked like I was going to cry. I knew she was avoiding me and I felt like I had been moved to Siberia. To be honest my moods have been all over the place. I was thinking of suicide for a while. It must have totally rubbed off on my behavior at work.

I tried not to cry during the whole review. I managed to hold off until the end that I admitted that yes, I have been awfully close to having a nervous breakdown. The combination of everything has been overwhelming.

I am getting a raise that will be erased by inflation. I am told I have to get more organized, set tasks that must please the big wigs in Chicago and generally get my shit together.

That brings an end to a blah year at work. Where do I go from here?

I haven’t a clue. I want to do something different and make a difference. The change of it all scares the shit out of me.

2 comments:

  1. Jen, I'm sorry that was so rough for you. I've been at situations like that at work where you are doing everything in your power to not cry and it is just awful!

    Maybe you could just take each day as it comes. You know, "What can I do just for today that will help me get through this work day?"

    Are you still seeing a therapist? It sounds like you could really use someone to talk to about this stuff.

    Hugs.

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  2. Jen, I'm sorry about the difficult time at work. I've been in similar situations where work life has been difficult, and it's not fun. Do you have a therapist or someone to talk to about the problems at work and your other concerns/worries?

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