Monday, December 31, 2012

2013 Healthy Living Goals

A lot of people think that healthy living just encompasses weight and weight loss. In my life, there is so much more to healthy living. Once one part of my life falters, the others go down like dominos. I try to control the dominos falling but after so long, they all fall down.

Here are my healthy living goals in no particular order:

  1. Eat 3 meals a day, at least. I am skipping more and more. Not eating for 15 hours, is not healthy, and leads me to think about binging when things get tough. I need to eat 3 meals a day at regular type intervals.
  2. Exercise at lease 3 days a week. When I take care of myself, I feel better.  It is not too much to ask.
  3. Continue with my CBT behaviors to  stop binging. They work and I need them.
  4. Bring lunch at least 4 day a week. $10 at least for lunch in Boston adds up. I can save about $30-40 a week doing this.
  5. Keep a budget. When I got depressed recently, I let things that should not have been passed over passed over so I need to stop this.
  6. Laugh and smile more. That is simple enough.

Tomorrow, what I hope this year brings.

Have a wonderful New Year’s Eve and Day! See you in 2013.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

5 Things: Jen 2012

I have done 5 things about me posts in the past but it has been a while. So here it goes, you may or not know this about me:

  • I am a constant channel changer with the radio when I am driving. I mean the buttons get so worn down that you can’t see the numbers anymore type of changing.  I try to restrain myself when I have guests in my car but I can not eradicate it totally. I absolutely must change the radio station. What if something better is playing??????


  • I am an email hoarder. I just deleted over 8,000 unread messages in my non-blog related email. 99% of it was total spam but that 1%,I am sorry that I missed your email. I aim to do much better in the managing email category.


  • I just joined My Fitness Pal tonight. If you are on there, friend me. My user name is redheadedjen.


  • I am feeling the need to plan a weekend away or some sort of vacation. I am meant to travel. Russia, Scotland, Alaska, Bora Bora are still on the top of the list but really, the hotel in Rhode Island might suffice. (Ok, maybe not Rhode Island but maybe Canada.)


  • I am trying to have more positive and not negative thoughts about myself but I am failing.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Survived 2012 Christmas

I survived Christmas! There were no fights this year at the Christmas table and I think everyone in my little family had a good time and they actually liked what I got them.  I felt totally emotionally drained after the day but was feeling a little better this morning.

I am working the rest of the week but come Friday, I will off for 5 days. I plan on not doing that much on my little mini-vacation.  I will be planning my goals for 2013. I plan on reading a lot, spending some time with friends, sleeping in, continuing my catching up on the 8 seasons of Supernatural and just chilling out. I will also go down the Cape to see Mom. I will be working on the blog and just cleaning. In other words, I will probably be busy but happy to be off.

I have begin the Great Kitty Search of 2013. I will keep you all updated. Smile

I hope all of you had a good holiday!

Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas!

I want to wish all of my wonderful readers a Merry Christmas. May all your dreams come true.


Friday, December 21, 2012

Friday Happiness: Ornaments

Christmas is in 4 days. Santa won’t be visiting me but I have a tree and some cool ornaments anyways.


I found this porcupine ornament and had to have it!!!!!!


And this raccoon!

nerdy penquin

Isn’t this Nerdy Penguin the best?

santa bear

I have had this Santa Bear for a long time. It is one of my favorite ornaments.


I have a few left of these sparkly stars. Boots was vicious with my glass ornaments.

Tomorrow I will be hitting the area malls trying to mostly finish my shopping. Send good wishes my way.

Monday, December 17, 2012

No Beds Available

I have been digesting the news out of Newtown, Connecticut. It has me thinking of mental health care here in the States.

I have thought about my mental health struggles and how hard it was to find providers who cared. When I would tell various doctors and/or therapists about how I hated myself and how I wished I would just die. How no one really took me seriously. Over time, I flitted from one therapist to another and withheld what was really going on in my head, until I started to write and really become self aware.

I have heard stories about people waiting in local emergency rooms for hours and hours before being seen. A coworker’s son spent 18 hours in the emergency room only to be told THERE WERE NO BEDS available and was transfer to another hospital, where he sat for 6 hours.  He was a schizophrenic young man of 24.

This would totally deter me from getting in-patient mental health care. I would totally avoid it.

This has to stop.

As a country, we need to change our priorities about mental health care.  While the old institutions of the past were horrible, when they closed, there was nothing to replace them. I do not have the answers on what should be done but we need to talk about it.

It can not be swept under the carpet. The more people who talk about the need for change, the better.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Saturday Happiness: New Favorite

I have not done this in a while and after my week, I need it. If you have been watching TV here in the States, you might have seen this Zales commercial:

While I will not be getting diamonds for Christmas, I love the song on this commercial and thanks to the Internet, I was able to find who sings the song. It is sung by Various Cruelties, a band out of England that I have never heard of but now….

After the senselessness of the last day, I needed a little happiness and here it is.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Review Time

I had my yearly review at work today. In my self evaluation, I was very honest with myself. My work over the past year has not been my best. I have been overwhelmed and somewhat discombobulated.  I feel like I am  being pulled in a thousand directions.

I was aware my work has not the best and I graded myself accordingly.

My boss agreed with me. She wants the smart organized girl of five years ago. I am afraid that girl is gone and just not there now.

She told me she was not talking to me because I always looked like I was going to cry. I knew she was avoiding me and I felt like I had been moved to Siberia. To be honest my moods have been all over the place. I was thinking of suicide for a while. It must have totally rubbed off on my behavior at work.

I tried not to cry during the whole review. I managed to hold off until the end that I admitted that yes, I have been awfully close to having a nervous breakdown. The combination of everything has been overwhelming.

I am getting a raise that will be erased by inflation. I am told I have to get more organized, set tasks that must please the big wigs in Chicago and generally get my shit together.

That brings an end to a blah year at work. Where do I go from here?

I haven’t a clue. I want to do something different and make a difference. The change of it all scares the shit out of me.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Christmas Loneliness

I try to find a happy medium between busy and alone. I am either always busy or alone 72 hours straight.

Well, I try to keep busy now to avoid thinking about how lonely it is lately.

Really, with winter approaching and all the parties, events and just watching people walking down the street holding hands, it makes me realize how alone I am.

Mixing it in with missing Mom this Christmas, I am really feeling it.

I have friends, who I love and who make my life wonderful that they are in my life, but I am just missing some things.

I worry how I will be alone and get sick like my Mother, with no one to help me. Not that being romantically involved with someone guarantees they will be there for you but it is just a big worry of mine. Then there is the whole Christmas thing and that because I am single without kids, somehow I do not deserve time off at Christmas. It wraps things up that gives loneliness a nice bow.

I am just feeling pretty lonely and I thought writing about it would help.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Here’s to the Weekend

With the holidays coming up, I feel like I am a chicken running around without a head and getting nothing done. I haven’t even started shopping. My posting may be a little sporadic over the next few weeks, we will see.

I bring you my crazy weekend in pictures:


I love this little wreath I was sitting under at Café Victoria on Hanover Street in the North End having an after dinner treat and coffee.


Some random pictures while in downtown Boston on Saturday.


I did not buy any yarn at Windsor Button, but I wanted to!

I went to a hot chocolate bar at the Ritz hotel in Boston. It was a once in a long time treat and a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon with friends.

IMG_0057 (2)

IMG_0056 (2)

Cocoa with whipped cream AND an orange vanilla marshmallow. Awesomeness.

The actual hot chocolate accoutrement bar!

IMG_0059 (2)IMG_0058 (2)

It was somewhat expensive at $30.00 but as a once in  a long time thing, it was right up my alley.

Here’s to a busy weekend spent with friends. I am going to need a vacation after the holiday.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Clothing Wishes

This week has been wicked busy. I have had something to do each night this week but tonight. It feels good just to do laundry and have a chance to blog.

I have been feeling very, I don’t know, frumpy and not too good at myself. This morning I really had to reach into the dredges of my wardrobe to find something to wear to work, a by-product of being wicked busy. Since I have been feeling rather frumpy and bad about myself, I am showing myself what might make myself unfrumpy.


I love love this dress from Boden. In fact, I love all of Boden’s clothing.


Lucky Brand has a new really nice and cute plus size line. I love this top never mind their jeans.


Ruche has some nice clothing. I love the simplicity of this dress but how classic it is.


There is something about this top that says “Buy me, Jennifer!”


If only I actually had someplace to wear this to!

Monday, December 3, 2012

Unsolicited Advice and Self Care

There is something about me that inspires people to offer unsolicited advice, whether needed or not….

Today I heard that if I would just lose weight, all of my problems would be solved and I would be “so pretty”.

I wish it would be true but it is not.

I have learned after losing and gaining a 100 pounds several time, I still was depressed and hated myself. I need to get help for my problems now or else I am doomed to go on that roller coaster ride of weight loss again and again. My life is basically the same no matter what my weight. I am the same person. It might be better for my body but it is not the cure all.

My goal is to make the best decisions I can and to know that when I eat well, I feel better. I have been feeling very run down and setting self-care goals will hopefully help me feel better. I read about today on Weightless on Psych Central

My self care goals for December:

  • With the holidays, I see myself skipping meals and binging when I can because I am so starving. Taking time to have 3 meals a day.
  • Relax – it can be hard in December
  • Wear make up. I feel better when I do.

What are some goals you can have this month?

Sunday, December 2, 2012

2012 Harpoon Helps Spread Holiday Cheer

On Saturday I participated in Harpoon Helps. You may recall that I participated last year as well.

Harpoon Brewery sponsors this event each year. They gather Harpoon Helpers and they send teams all over the Boston to decorate charities that could use some holiday cheer. 

I was on Team 19, which included friends and new faces. We were sent to Millenium House, a shelter in Roxbury, MA.

Harpoon supplies the decorations and we do the best we can with what we are given. It feels good to actually brighten someone’s day. In a tough world, a little cheer goes a long way. It certainly made me feel better.  

 Afterwards, we went back to the brewery to have lunch, mingle and of course, try Harpoon’s beer.

I am not a huge fan of beer but I do love hard cider. I like Harpoon’s version of cider. I also had a drink called Apple Pie, which is half cider and half of Harpoon’s Winter Warmer beer. It tastes like apple pie.

They do this in other New England cities and even in other parts of the country. I recommend it. I had been feeling a little bit down and it felt good to help people that need help.

This holiday season has been and will be hard for me. I have been wanting to lock myself away and I have been feeling a bit run down. I plan on taking some time off at New Years.