Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Support Wednesdays Are Back!

The last time I posted a Support Wednesday post was on October 26, 2011. I am happy to have resurrected it.

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Tonight I went back to the eating disorders support group. While I may not have gone back to most of my bad behaviors but the feelings were there. The worthlessness and the unlovable thoughts were totally present. My therapist suggested I go back to the meetings and they were probably the most helpful of any therapy that I have been to in all my years of therapy.

Tonight, the group touched upon relationships with partners or friends and how you broach the subject of the disorder, the depression, the self-hatred, all of it.

Most of the time, it is my little dark secret. I pour my heart out on this blog but yet in a dating relationship and some friendships, I am afraid to lose someone if I talk about it. I may casually mention that I may or may not see a therapist but all those other little issues, well, they are casually ignored. If I do say something, will I be rejected? Will they not like me anymore?

I know that my self esteem issues keep me from getting in a relationship. I don’t really feel like I deserve it. I must have some sort of f----d up aura that keeps people away.

How do you deal with your issues in your relationships whether it be a love interest or a friend?

2 comments:

  1. Jen, when I was dating, I, too, kept a low profile on the whole therapy/depression/OCD issues. I was afraid of scaring someone off. Fortunately, with Larry, I can be open about the issues. I think when you learn you can trust someone, then you can be open about the issues.

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  2. Jen, I know just how you feel. I was so ashamed of my eating disorder and so afraid of what people would think of me that I kept it tightly under wraps. In fact, I didn't even tell my husband about it until we'd been married a couple of years (though of course he suspected something from living with me). In college, some of my dorm mates dubbed me "Basket Case Jean" because of my nerves and depression, and the pain of that was so intense and traumatizing that I began keeping EVERYTHING to myself - and I do mean everything when it came to "negative" emotions. I still have a tendency to do this, even though it's unhealthy and isolating, and keeps me from the help and love and support of those who truly care about and want to be there for me.(My best friend even told me once that it hurt her feelings when I "shut her out.)

    I'm more open than I used to be, but still very wary about sharing my mental health issues...I need to feel very, very safe before I'll do it. I sometimes feel guilty about having kept it from my husband for so long because it directly affects him; I hope I wouldn't do that now, but I totally "get" your fear.

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