I was in a really low place this morning. I climbed by way out it, cried a little in my cubicle, thought things over and decided I do not want to die.
I am hopeless though. There is the whole “It gets better” mantra and honestly, it hasn’t for me. I don’t have much confidence that it ever will. I try to survive as best I can but I struggle with this sleeping (I am having a lot of trouble getting up), going into work, coming home to the empty apartment and doing it all over again. For what? To have my small little paycheck and the struggle continues. I sometimes wonder if I would not be happier living in a cabin in the woods or working in a bookstore or a library, away from a big corporate behemoth. The American “dream” is looking less appealing to me in general.
I am flabbergasted by my readers. You are awesome and I wish I could hug each and every one of you and let you know how much you mean to me. I want to meet you all!
I am going to go back to the Eating Disorder support group and resurrect Support Wednesdays.