Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Feeling A Bit Better

I was in a really low place this morning. I climbed by way out it, cried a little in my cubicle, thought things over and decided I do not want to die.

I am hopeless though. There is the whole “It gets better” mantra and honestly, it hasn’t for me. I don’t have much confidence that it ever will. I try to survive as best I can but I struggle with this sleeping (I am having a lot of trouble getting up), going into work, coming home to the empty apartment and doing it all over again. For what?  To have my small little paycheck and the struggle continues. I sometimes wonder if I would not be happier living in a cabin in the woods or working in a bookstore or a library, away from a big corporate behemoth. The American “dream” is looking less appealing to me in general.

I am flabbergasted by my readers. You are awesome and I wish I could hug each and every one of you and let you know how much you mean to me. I want to meet you all!

I am going to go back to the Eating Disorder support group and resurrect Support Wednesdays.

7 comments:

  1. Crying can heal sometimes...at least for me. I continue to think about you and wish you the best!

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  2. Jen, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I feel better sometimes after crying, too.

    You help many people with your blog, and I hope you know that your readers care about you. I am thinking about you!

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  3. Hey Jen! Glad you are feeling a little better. I'm glad you are going to the support group. I have found mine very helpful. I also get a lot of fulfillment from being able to help others at the group too. : )

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  4. Morning Jen, I'm really pleased you took the trouble to post and let us all know you feel a bit more positive about things.
    "Getting Better" is a difficult one. If your dream is anything like mine it's something that will take a long time. So why not switch to something that represents the here and now. Lets say a "positive list" just make a note of all the little good things you made happen today. Oh and plant a smile on your kisser. It's easy to walk around a bit glum you have to think about a smile and smiles like colds are very infectious.
    Onwards and upwards x

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  5. Glad you're a bit better but still... please call your doc and therapist.

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  6. {{{{JEN}}} way to climb out of the dark place. That takes strength & courage. I don't suffer from depression and don't pretend to know what you're going thru...but just know that you have a friend in NJ thinking & praying for you!! xoxo

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  7. I hate that slogan.
    I almost ended my comment there. It gets different. I get up and get up and get up. Jen, I honestly don't think I'd be alive if I had a regular job. That sort of social obligation was more than I could bear. My illness is at times a full time job. Sometimes it isn't. (it gets different.)

    You have worth. Somewhere in some way. I don't think we are meant to know all the ways and I think trying to chase after a state of being where we are constantly aware of our worth is fruitless and self defeating. I think if we could just know that we have worth as a scientific reality, because we are pieces in a puzzle, this would be easier.

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