Wednesday, May 16, 2012

2012 I'm Blogging About Mental Health Day

It's I'm blogging about mental health blog party day! it is the day I am most proud to write about my struggles and hopefully reduce the stigma associated with it.



Did you grow up with a parent with untreated mental health problems?

I did. While Mom was not diagnosed there was definitely something going on and it eventually lead to the dementia that took her. Dad often tells me that I had it easier than my siblings because I remember Mom as she was before she got sick and my younger siblings don't have that to fall back on.

While it is not a competition to see who had it worse, I disagree with my Dad. I felt like I was abandoned. To have a Mother who professed love and was very loving to go to one that said you weren't family and withdrew from everything was not easy for a 10 year old to digest. I turned to food to fill that void. 

I try to forgive her behavior and think it is the disease but to this day, I have trouble thinking what was the disease and what was her coldness. To my 10 year old self, I withdrew myself. I did not want to be hurt by her so I tried to avoid her as much as I could by tending to lock myself in my room. While my remembrances of this time tend to be generalized, I do remember feeling not loved by my mother. 

Looking back after she died, I had a hard time focusing on happy things. I ended up finding "happy" pictures but it was hard. 

Did I inherit my depression problems from my Mom? Maybe. Did they form my life? Certainly.

Am I moving on from what happened? I am trying to. The actions of our parents have a huge affect in out lives, one that to this day, I am trying to overcome. 















18 comments:

  1. I can relate to this post so much Jen! Although our childhoods were not the same, the things we are struggling with as adults are very similar. I wish you much luck on your journey!

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    1. Someday we will get together for a coffee :)

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  2. Jen, I can see that we have had similar experiences as children. I am so sorry that you had those experiences with your mother. It is so difficult to NOT let our past dictate our present. That is what I'm working on so hard now. I don't want the depression to have anymore say in how I live my life.

    Good post, and thank you for what you do to reduce the stigma and educate others.

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    1. I have spent a lot of time ruminating about the past and I really try to avoid it because it will drive me crazy but I felt the need to write about it given the conversation with Dad.

      Yes, I try to steer him away but that is what our conversations are about.

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  3. I just came accross your blog. Like you, I have a mental illness that is riddle with depression. I have been concertrating on diet and exercise to elivate some of the symptoms. I've enjoyed reading your blog!

    http://thespringcommitment.blogspot.ca

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    1. I have started to follow your blog. I look forward to reading it :)

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  4. Well written, you have my support and best wishes as always.
    Onwards and upwards.
    Spanner x

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  5. I agree to that, actions of your parents. You might feel you are an adult and strong. But somewhere in the nook of your heart is sitting that devil, which has roots to what you experienced in childhood. Though I have fabulous mother, yet there are some moments and memories of past which refuse to go

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    1. I have spent a lot of time dwelling on the past and while I try not to, it is hard to avoid the past entirely. I try to remember the good times a well.

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  6. Great post! My Dad has untreated mental illness so I get where you're coming from.

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    1. Thanks! We have a lot in common.

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  7. Jen, thank you for once again participating in our blogging day. Shared stories and experiences--and people joining together to read and connect--make a difference. Thank you!

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    1. This is my 3rd year participating and I look forward to it.

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  8. Mental health is riddled with depression, guilt and anxiety. Dealing with feelings of guilt and anxiety can be challenging, even overwhelming. Please check out the latest blog at frompanictopeace.com to find help and encouragement in dealing with this very human emotion.

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  11. I can really relate with this post, i've been brung up around my mum suffering mental health problems she has never hardly seeked help since i was born and i'm 20, but everyone know's she has issues and problems, my mental health problems were triggered when i was 15 due to drug use, it took me awhile from therapy to realise my up bringing wasn't right and even tho it was the drugs which triggered my problems it was my childhood, enviroment ect which i was around growing up which effected me, i was showing certain little symptoons long before it all corrupted to the surface, my mum isn't an effectionate person at all, she feels sorry for herself and goes on about how her parents were never effectionate to her and always shouted every night causing her anxiety, my mum does the exact same not learning from there mistakes and wanting to bring her child differently, i've been effected bad, going through therapy and just recently having a assessment in a mental clinic my parents offer me no surport, it does make me wonder how a person can treat there own child as they were and not learn from it, i have so much effection, care and understanding for people with mental health problems ect xx

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