Today, I am taking a stand and standing up against bullying by telling my story. I am participating in Findingravity’s Anti-Bullying Link Up.
If you have reading my blog for a while, you may remember me talking about my experience growing up. I was a girl who developed very early. I got my period at 8 years old. I was wearing a regular bra by 9 years old. I was tall. I may have had a “mature” body but I was a total kid. I had no clue about boys and what happened between girls and boys and didn’t really want to know.
I was teased for having red hair. I was teased for stuttering. I was teased because I did not know how to deal with some of the changes that my body was going through. I was teased because I “fat” and “ugly”. I was also grabbed at in class, so much that I had to fight the boys off during class. How the teachers did not see this is beyond me. They would talk about the things they wanted to do to me. It scared the shit out of me. I also heard that type of thing out when I was doing my paper route. The teenage boys would say lewd remarks and I dealt with this by hiding away. I begged my sister to do the paper route and I put on weight so people would not touch me.
I never told anyone until I was an adult. It is the one thing that I totally regret in my life.
I should have spoken up. I know that in the early 1980s that type of stuff was not at the tip of society’s tongue like it is today but my father has told me he wishes that I would have told him. I was scared that I would get in trouble, that it was my fault. I shut it in a place deep inside me and it is still has some lingering effects on me 30 years letter. Part of my struggle with feelings of unworthiness and feeling unlovable probably come from around this time.
It was in no way, shape or form my fault. It is in no way your fault if it happens to you. Speak to someone you trust. Don’t lock things inside. You deserve to be treated with respect and no one should be able to take that away from you.