Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Winner Up!

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Congrats Marla! You should have gotten an email from me.

I still feel like leaving on a jet plane today but I can wait to plan out a vacation. I have always had a case of wanderlust and the urge is strong. It is a form of escape. The grass is greener on the other side syndrome but I would be happy if there was a grass on the other side.

I am trying not to feel so blah this winter. I go outside and the gray look of everything just makes me sad. At least until Christmas there will be some lights on some houses. Christmas can at least be pretty even though this year, it will be quiet.  Winter just seems so long and bleak. I need a light at the end of the tunnel. Travel is that light.

Other than thoughts of travel, today was a normal day. Nothing special, nothing bad. Just another day at work and otherwise. I will take it as a good day and I set the alarm!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Got to Get Away

Tough was rough! I forgot to set my alarm and well, you probably know what happened from there but the day was salvaged.

I have been thinking about trips for next year. My motto lately is anywhere but here and I am itching to go away or at least plan to go away.

But where?

I am hoping I will be getting in touch with my Italian half if I have to sleep in hostels across Italy. Italy has been a dream for a while. The flights are looking to be $900 which is not sending warm fuzzy feelings in my travel mind.

I am also sort of looking to start investigating places to live when and if I ever leave Boston. I have lived here 95% of my life with exception of a 3 year mistake in western NY state. I am tired of it. So I am compiling a list and so far Denver is on that list.

One place I could visit is Boise. I have read a lot about Boise and it intrigues me.

I could go with Not So Secret Sister to Texas. She thinks she wants to move there and has been asking me to visit with her so she can check it out. She thinks life will be better in Texas.

I would love to go to Alaska, Montana, the Dakotas, anywhere really. I am just antsy. I have also thought about Halifax in Nova Scotia.

Then there is Blogher in New York. I have to buy my ticket when and if I get a bonus this year at work.

I just want to go away. Maybe run away. Just get away.

This post is a little disjointed but I feel a bit disjointed today.

 P.S. I choose a winner tomorrow and the odds are good if you enter my Real Simple giveaway.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

5 Things: Dealing with Loneliness

I woke up this morning feeling alone. Very much alone with a cat three inches from my face, but alone. I decided I must GET OUT of my apartment no matter what. I didn’t want to sit at home watching Indiana Jones movies yet again.

I decided to go into Boston and just roam around. It felt like the right thing to do even though lots of people around, I still felt alone. It was something I could not shake.

I roamed around Barnes & Noble for a while. It is a new habit of mine to find books and scan them into Goodreads on my phone to get them from the library or through Amazon. I could go through stacks of books and spend all day doing that.

I bought more clothing and a purse with a coupon. Feeling shitty shopping should be banned.

My five things tonight and things I should have done when I feel lonely.

1. Get a cup of coffee and actually sit in a coffee shop.

Even sitting reading drinking a latte, watching people, would have been a good day. I meet some interesting people that way. Sometimes people are compelled to talk to me when I am sitting, reading while drinking coffee.

2. Taken a walk

After getting the coffee, I could have taken a walk. I live near the beach and it is about a 15 minute walk from my apartment. It was a gorgeous day here in Boston. I did walk this afternoon from Copley Square to Park Street station.

3. Call a friend.

I have never been a phone talker. I am not one to call someone just to talk. Maybe I should have. A friendly voice would have been welcome today.

4. Visit the library

The library in my city is awesome. It is one of the best libraries around. I could roam about for a long time. I have my list of books to get on my phone and I could have looked around for a long time.

5. Visit Dad.

I have been avoiding my family specifically my Dad. I don’t know why. I don’t want him to see me depressed. We will talk about the past and then I will leave more depressed. Though he would have liked to have seen me and if he is feeling ok, he would not have talked about the past and I would have felt better. I am sure.

I went to see Mom yesterday so there was no need to go today. She was sleeping when I was there. She is usually sleeping and I just sit and watch her. I talk to her softly so I won’t wake her up.

How was your Saturday?

PS I am giving away a free Real Simple subscription for year. Entering is simple so you should enter Smile

Friday, November 25, 2011

A Friday Giveaway

Nothing could get me up at 4 am to brave the lines at Target or the mall.  I would rather sleep until 11 or 11:45, as it was, have a leisurely few cups of liquid gold aka coffee, watch a Nat Geo Wild show on moose in the Northern Hemisphere and then stop by a local Talbots outlet and get some discounted clothing for work. I came home and watched one of my favorite movies of all time:

It was a good day.

Now on to the fun part, a giveaway!

I can once again renew my Real Simple subscription and get a free one to give to someone, one of my readers. The subscription should begin with the February magazine.

If you would like to win the subscription, just leave a comment on this post. There are no hoops to jump through. It is simple.

Unfortunately, this is only valid for US residents. I will pick a winner on Tuesday.  Good luck!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

My Thanksgiving

Another Thanksgiving survived without massive fights or some other insult. Of course, we missed Not So Secret Sister who worked. It felt kind of sad with just Dad and my brother there for dinner.

The turkey came out well.

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There was just something sad about the whole thing. We talked about Mom and some issues surrounding here. It just felt empty. Hopefully Christmas, which I totally not looking forward to this year for some reason, will be happier.

If you are in America, how was your holiday?

I have a little giveaway tomorrow. Stay tuned Smile

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Case of the Gigantic Turkeys

With Thanksgiving on Thursday and since I am the only one that has room to host Thanksgiving in my family, I hit the local Hannaford’s to get a fresh turkey and all of the fixings tonight. Since there will only be 4 of us, it is just going to be a small meal – turkey, gravy, squash, veggies, stuffing and crescent rolls. I want left overs but not a massive amount where I eat turkey for a week after.

There are lots of fresh turkeys to be had. I start to shift through them and trying to find a less then 18 pound bird was hard. Finally, in the back I saw a 14 pound bird. Why is it so hard to find non-gigantic birds?

Not everyone has a large family and needs a 20 pound turkey. Just saying.

I have been feeling slightly better the last 2 days. Maybe because after 3 pm tomorrow, I have 4 days off! I need a mental health break badly.  After work tomorrow, I am just going to relax and I will probably go see Mom. It has been a long couple of weeks.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Struggling

I could have happily slept all day today. It would not have helped my mood however. I have been struggling keeping my chin high for the past week or so and it is getting harder. Maybe it is the approach of the holidays or the fact that winter is coming.

I am going to try to keep somewhat busy over the next couple of weeks. When I am busy, my mind is too busy to get depressed. I am not moping about at home, letting loneliness take over. The opposite is staying home and not getting out of bed.

I am going to try to think positive and make a consistent effort not to not let the shadow take over. The holiday will help, I think.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Friday Happiness: Gobble Gobble

My favorite holiday is next week and I am looking forward to it. Family, lots of turkey and cranberry sauce, Pilgrims, football, tryptophan and pumpkin pie.

 

It is a holiday where I don’t have to wrack my brain to buy a gift, which I am never good at. Where I will have 4 days off and possibly a shopping trip or a marathon of bad TV on Friday. A day to try to think of the good things. I plan on cooking dinner for Dad, Not So Secret Sister and my brother. It will be a small gathering.

It is not much to make me happy but just the thought of it makes me smile. It has been a tough week mood wise. My outlook has been hopeless and I would rather stay in bed all day with the covers over my head. Right now, my light at the end of the tunnel, is the holiday weekend next week.

Will you be cooking on Thursday? Relaxing? Plotting getting up at a God awful hour to hit the mall the next day?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Another day, another outlook.

I woke up early (!) today thanks to the furry beast and maybe it started me out on the right track. I don’t know. I felt a little better, not quite as down on myself.


It even lasted through not veiled comments of “Jen, you NEVER talk” by people I work with.  Most people who know me, know that once I start talking, it is hard to get me to stop and once the talking with my hands start, it is over.


I just don’t want to talk.  I have nothing to say or if you don’t have anything nice to say, I don’t say it 99% of the time.  Why people tell me these things, I don’t know, but it just slid off of me.


Tomorrow will be a good day as well, maybe because I am looking forward to this:







I saw a commercial on PBS for this Nature special and I was totally giddy. Yep. I would like to be a turkey, though not quite now. It is not a good time to be a turkey here in America.

Monday, November 14, 2011

On The Hamster Wheel

Today was a kick in the stomach to my self esteem.

I had my last nutrition appointment at the hospital where they weighed me. I could tell that it was not good. The look on her face was not good. She took me into the room and basically to my convoluted mind, said yeah you stayed the same. Fail. No surgery date for you.

FAIL.

Yep. I left that appointment beating myself up, thinking about how I fail at everything. All day long I ruminated over it, chewing it up, down and around. It brought its friends, ugly and stupid along as well.

It makes me thing how precarious this self esteem thing is. How one bump sets me back. Thirty plus years of thinking one way is difficult to change but with constant reminders, you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Do you have any tips on kicking yourself off of the hamster wheel on days like today?

Sunday, November 13, 2011

5 Things: A Night Out

Sometimes I don’t mind doing things alone like going to the movies or even to a concert. If I can’t get anyone to go, I don’t want to sit at home saying that I would of, should of, could of.

I went into the Wang Center in Boston last night to see Noel Gallagher. I love his new song, If I Had a Gun and of course, when he was with Oasis, I was a fan. When I saw that Rue La La had a deal for the tickets, I could not pass it up. I am so glad I went.

I am giving you five photos from last night.

1. The Wang Theater used to be movie theater. Dad talks about going to see movies there when he was a kid. It must have been an impressive movie theater. The walls are beautiful.

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2. The opening band was called The Hours. I can’t say I had heard of them or really would seek them out otherwise.

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3. Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Bird came out with a bang.

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4. The music was awesome. He did sing If I Had A Gun but possibly the best song of the night was the last encore song, Don’t Look Back In Anger (my favorite Oasis song). I tried to take a lot of pictures but my memory card was filled after not that many pictures.

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5. I could tell just by the seats that it is an old theater. The guy two seats away was 6’5 and it was a tight squeeze.

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If he stops by your city, I say you should go.

In some blog news, if you are on Google +, I have a new blog page.  If you are on Google +, stop by.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Friday Happiness: The Weekend is Here

Coming home to an empty apartment with only a cat to greet you can be hard, especially on a weekend night but realizing that you can get caught up on TV, read some trashy romance books and find one of these left in the fridge, I call it a good start to the weekend.

 

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I ended up buying a ticket to the Noel Gallagher through one of those deal sites and the show is tomorrow night. I am looking forward to it. Honestly, I don’t really mind going to a show by myself because I just want to listen to some music. I may even see Anonymous as well. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Falling Back

Sometimes I just need a break. That is what my body is telling me. With the time change, work being crazy and the fact I have felt less than ideal in body and mind, I think I need a mental health day at some time soon to recharge.

I feel sort of down and definitely my self esteem is lacking. That shadow has been creeping up behind me, staring at me. I have had to push myself out of bed the last couple of days. I tell myself over and over to take a shower, you will feel better. Generally I do and then I commence with my day.

Actually walking to the T station each morning has helped a lot. Getting a burst of cool crisp morning air helps to get me moving. I try to ignore the trees that are becoming bare and the bleakness of the houses, which just gets me down. If I look ahead, take a sip of my coffee and charge on, I will be better.

My parent’s 40th wedding anniversary is in 2 weeks and I am thinking of doing something for Dad. I am not sure if it is something that he wants to celebrate but taking him to dinner might be a good thing so he is not alone. 

My Mom has a wedding picture in her nursing home room of my Dad and her standing close and face to face. She is touching his face and he is touching her face. I love that picture. I know Mom did too. When she was still talking and even though she had no clue who I was, she would point to the picture and say “That is my husband.” and giggle. Now I just look at the picture in combination of my Mother lying down and generally sleeping when I see her, it just makes me sad.

Driving home from the supermarket tonight, I heard a song that I liked. It made me smile and it was sort of appropriate I thought. The song is Back to the Races by the Chadwick Strokes. I heard they were doing a free show at Occupy Boston today but I didn’t find out until tonight.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Indivisible

I was in Starbucks the other day getting my birthday free drink, a Pumpkin Spice non-fat latte, when I spotted this bracelet.

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For $5.00, I got it. Not only does it go towards helping Americans find jobs but I love the “Indivisible” message.

I believe we are indivisible as a nation but I really want this to sink into my brain.  There will be no love-hate divide going on in my brain.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Life is a Highway

Today I had to go up to Ipswich, MA. Being the South Shore gal that I am, it was an adventure. (It is a Boston area North – South thing). I get lost whenever I go up there. What excited me most about the drive, was the driving itself.

Sometimes, I just like to get into the car, get on the highway and punch it. I was running late and that is exactly what I did. Music blaring. Me singing. Car barreling north. Makes me feel like a true car loving American.

I am just itching for a road trip. Pack some clothes and sandwiches and get in the car and head west. (I won’t get very far heading east since I am about 1/2 mile from the ocean.) When I went to college, I drove myself out out to Illinois.  I loved it, especially when I was alone.

I played car tag. I found obscure radio stations out in the middle of Route 80 in Pennsylvania. I could stop when I wanted to. It was awesome. I used to drive out to Rochester, NY before moving there and I loved that ride.  Now, I don’t have a reason to go on a road trip but the bug has gotten into my brain.

Thinking back to college, I wonder what happened to the would be pig farmer who dumped me because his mother said since I am Catholic, I would want 15 kids. Is he a pig farmer today? Who knows!

The drive today, while not a road trip, set my mind at ease. It was calming. I don’t feel the regular Sunday night malaise taking over.

Maybe it was that extra night of sleep last night. Though this early darkness thing must go soon.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Friday Happiness: A New Crush

Since I am hopeful that my 38th year will be better then my 37th year, I am going to focus on Friday happiness and try to name at least 1 thing that made my week happy. It could be anything – a cute cat, a song, a guy, a thought, food, a book, anything.

It is time I turned my thoughts to optimism and not be so darn pessimistic all the time.  Friday is the day that the work week melts away. All tension releases at 5 pm when that whistle goes off in my head – “Freedom!”

Tonight, I am writing this after watching Grimm. I am liking the show and have discovered the lead actor, the Grimm, himself. The actor that plays the main character is David Giuntoli. I have a little weakness for American guys of Italian descent.

 FROM IMDb

 

I have found something to watch on Friday nights, when I happen to be home, like tonight.

Here’s to relaxing Friday nights.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

November 3, 1973

November 3, 1973 was a Saturday. 


Good Morning America premiered on ABC with David Hartman and Nancy Dussault.


The Mariner 10 launched on a mission to Venus.


A National Airlines plane's engine exploded near Albuquerque, killing 1.


My Mother gave birth to a baby girl at Beth Israel Hospital in Boston.


38 years have passed by since that day.


I have spent far to many birthdays wishing that I had never been born.


Wasting away in those thoughts.


Finally this year, I hope that my 38th year will be a wondrous year and there is a flicker of hope in me. 


Here's to 38 more birthdays.



Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Come Back Google Reader

Sometimes you should just leave a good thing alone.

I am talking to you, Google Reader.

I read a lot of blogs. Rather then forget all of the wonderful blogs and stuff I read, I add them to my Google Reader. I happily check into Google Reader every day and keep track of some of my favorite people.

Then yesterday, I found it changed. It is difficult to move about the new Google Reader. It does not like the size of my monitor. When you scroll down to read a post, put the post on top of another post to make it difficult to read.

It just annoys me to no end.

Google Reader, can you give me the choice to go to old view? I would appreciate it.