Thursday, December 1, 2011

Depression Blank

Last night,  I stared at my blank Live Writer entry and could not put my feelings down. I was feeling pretty shitty, thinking horrible things about myself and I wanted to write about it but I could not. I wanted to get it out of my head, purged but I kept it close instead.

I have never been one to shy away from my depression and lack of self love here. Last night was a first. I felt that I was falling down the hole of depression again. I felt unlovable, hopeless, stuck….I wanted to curl up and sleep forever.

I feel better today.

I hate it. Depression is a hole that I can never fully get out of. A shadow that follows me around, sometimes closer and sometimes from a distance. I am beginning to know my triggers like pain, disappointment, fear, loneliness.

I try to point out good stuff about myself when I notice it, hoping that it brings me up. One day at time. My therapy appointment is tomorrow morning. I can’t wait to also talk about it and work it out of my system.

5 comments:

  1. So glad you feel better today. Depression absolutely sucks. It's good to know your triggers and that even after a night like last night you can have a decent day today.

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  2. Its such a friggin battle but I'm glad youre doing better today. Well enough to write about it even. Keep up the fight and do what you need to in order to work it out of your system everytime <3

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  3. Yes, depression is so hard- I know that dark hole- but, let me tell you! I started running full marathons and have run three this year. I had NEVER run in my life- so anyone can do it. The milage, discipline, schedule, routine, and strength that it takes have carried me through this year. I have a full time job and a pre-schooler. I have a mom who is battling stage IV breast cancer. If I can do it, you can. It's tough, but the pay off is amazing. Good luck. Get out there and breathe in this beautiful world that you are apart of. Hugs and cheer to you.

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  4. therapy works wonders. i never want to go then feel better afterwards :)

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  5. Hang in there, Jen. I hope your therapy session goes well. Keep writing.

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