Sometimes I wish there was a magic wand that you could waive in front of me and it would fix my brain. That would be wonderful.
Nothing unusual happened today. Work was busy. I had a headache but the ugly thoughts were plentiful. Just when I put my guard down, they attack.
A bad person.
Why would anyone want you?
No amount of anything will change that.
I just makes me want to cry. Will it ever stop? Why do I do this to myself? Why?
I don’t think I am that ugly. I am 37. Soon to be 38. I am not a teenager. Why is my mind still playing games like I am?
There is that Everclear song that goes like:
I will never be safe, I will never be sane, I will always be weird inside, I will always be lame.
Will this be me?
One day I feel fine. The next I feel worthless. Most of the time, I am somewhere in the gray area.
I have been in therapy for a while. I just wish I had the answers.