Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Support Wednesday: The Ugly Thoughts

Sometimes I wish there was a magic wand that you could waive in front of me and it would fix my brain. That would be wonderful.

Nothing unusual happened today. Work was busy. I had a headache but the ugly thoughts were plentiful. Just when I put my guard down, they attack.

Your ugly.

A bad person.

Why would anyone want you?

No amount of anything will change that.

I just makes me want to cry. Will it ever stop? Why do I do this to myself? Why?

I don’t think I am that ugly. I am 37. Soon to be 38. I am not a teenager. Why is my mind still playing games like I am?

There is that Everclear song that goes like:

I will never be safe, I will never be sane, I will always be weird inside, I will always be lame.

Will this be me?

One day I feel fine. The next I feel worthless. Most of the time, I am somewhere in the gray area.

I have been in therapy for a while. I just wish I had the answers.

 

2 comments:

  1. I wish I had the answers for you as well. It's hard to not believe the bad things our brains sometimes tell us. You are the boss. Even when you don't feel like it. Especially then!

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  2. Wish I had the answers for you too Jen. I have days like that and they are awful. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

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