I am a day late and a dollar short again because I met up with a good friend that I had not seen in far too long last night after group.By the time I got home, the last thing I wanted was to get on the computer.
Last night, it was all about relationships. This ED stuff is interconnected with how I view myself and interact with other people. I am kind of apathetic about getting in a relationship right now. Part of me is desperately lonely but part of me is well, noT wanting any part of it. This separating myself from men and using food as protection is hardly protecting.
I look at other couples and wonder what they have and I don't. I may be overweight but honestly, in my heart of hearts, I don't think I am that ugly whatever my brain might be telling me. I am smart, somewhat funny, a little bit nerdy, red headed, have some good assets, and well, I am a good person.
Then that other part of me, like the ED, comes and says, "Hold on there." You are unworthy. They are just going to tire of you and dump you, why bother? Save yourself the heartache. Those destructive behaviors will help you. No one will touch or hurt you because they won't see you if you are 300 lbs. GAH! Not good.
We also talked about the fine line between normal dating behavior and abnormal behavior. When you first meet or start to date someone and you text or call them, and they do not get back to you immediately, do you get a little OCD with checking your phone?
Well, we thought that was normal behavior. When it consumes you, then it gets on the abnormal side unless you are dating for 1 and half years and he never returns your call, then you can call your "friends" to check up on him. (Kidding! sort of).
How do you deal with these type of thoughts in a relationship or if they are holding you back from one?