After 2 weeks off, I went to the support group tonight. It felt good. The group was smaller than usual. It is the time of summer that everyone is away I guess.
One of the topics discussed, is do you talk about binging, depression or whatever, with other people and is it triggering for you? For me, sometimes going on about depression with other people brings out the sadness but at other times, it is good to talk to someone who understands. I won’t feel so broken.
The subject came up with how do you talk to the friend and tell her that the conversations are triggering for you without losing the friendship or should she just give up on the friendship. I have more often than not been the friend that people dump for reasons unbeknownst to me.
I would have rather have had a conversation with the “friend” then to be poofed. It has been a running theme in a few relationships of different kinds. The what-ifs ruminate in my mind until I just blame myself. I am somehow bad. I am always the bad one in my mind. They don’t like me, I am somehow a freak. I don’t know. There are people I don’t get along with and people I do. It is a fact of life but it would have been better if they had at least said good bye.
I need to be more like a sieve and less like a sponge. I suck everything in, ruminate endlessly and it comes to a point where I just break down crying or eating every little thing in sight then it starts all over again.
I had said that I need a suit of armor over me. I let things bother me so much. Rejection, common interactions, anything. If it just bounced off me or went right through me I would be a lot better.
Are you are sponge or a sieve? Have you gone from sponge to sieve successfully?