Monday, August 29, 2011

A Good Daughter

I survived Irene! It was wicked windy. I was lonely. I read. That sums it up. How to Train Your Dragon gets two thumbs up from me (but I watched it Saturday night).

Dad lost power at noon on Sunday and didn’t get it back on until 6 pm tonight. I was a little bit concerned because he can not sleep without his C-Pap. He called the cops to see what he could do and they told him to go to the hospital. Grrr. Today he called the Mayor’s office of Weymouth and told them about it. There was a shelter he could of gone to at Weymouth High School. I had offered to get him but he didn’t think the power would be out so long.

I was a bit worried about the nursing home not having power. I thought they would have generators. Mom is fed now via a feeding tube and the machine runs on electricity. I think it has battery power but she is like constantly feeding. Once her breakfast feed is done, she gets her lunch one, then it is time for dinner. Would the batteries last that long of a feeding day? Questions….

I saw Mom on Saturday. It is so hard to sit with her for a half an hour. She won’t look at me. She doesn’t talk. She doesn’t seem to respond to when I hold her hand. I want my Mother back, not this zombie that she has become. I often wonder what is the point of keeping her on the cholesterol or heart medicines? Her brain is dying. Never mind that she is on anti-psychotics. She is not going to get up anymore. It is so hard. I feel guilty because I can’t stay any longer. My therapist suggested maybe I read to her. I don’t know what else to do. I will be a bad daughter if I don’t visit. It is just so hard. I leave crying most of the time.

My parents are 85% of my worries. I worry a lot about them.

7 comments:

  1. Oh! I really understand! If you could just take her memories & let what she has become go...it would be so much easier wouldn't it? She will more than likely live a very long time as she is now, since she's on feeding tube. My grandfather "lived" as a vegetable for almost 5 years.... I'm really glad that my MIL had already chosen to have no feeding tube or any other form of life sustaining measures. It was a long 10 days, but we were prepared & she was ready for heaven & a new body & mind! Prayers for your parents & especially you as you care for them!

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  2. I'm so sorry for what you are going through with your parents. It must be heartbreaking to see your mother this way and still hold on to the memories of how she was before. You would not be a bad daughter if you didn't visit, but I understand about feeling like you have to. Wish there was something I could say to make it easier.
    I'm glad to hear that your dad has power again and that you all weathered the storm safely. My in-laws had major flooding and had to be rescued by boat but thankfully they are now safe.

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  3. I feel so much for you and your family situation. You are obviously caring and doing all you are can. You are trying to live your life and be there for theirs at the same time. It must be so difficult!

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  4. You are doing so amazingly well, Jen. It must be painfully difficult for you. Parents are a huge worry for some, whatever the illness, and I understand that anxiety. You are incredible. I admire you greatly.

    And you survived a storm! Like all the storms, you sat it out. That's all we can do, I suppose.

    Lots of love, P xx

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  5. Jen - you would absolutely NOT be a horrible daughter if you were to visit less often! I'm sure that above everything, your mother would want you to take care of yourself! Sometimes taking care of yourself means doing something that feels selfish or wrong. NO ONE would think you were a bad daughter if you didn't visit when it means keeping yourself sane! If anyone does, send them to me and I will punch them in the nose.

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  6. There's only so much the human soul can take, Jen. If you don't take care of yourself and keep yourself healthy, there won't be anything left for you, your parents. You're a great daughter. Don't ever think otherwise.

    I'm glad to hear that the electricity came back when it did. How the heck did you find the focus to read through all that Sunday? All I did was cook and watch the news. Two of our cherry trees were ripped out of the ground. Now I'm stressed cuz there's Hurricane Katia on the radar. Ay! o_O

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  7. I dont think you will ever be a bad daughter. It must be so hard for you.

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