Dear Little Jen,
You were such a cute kid.
There was nothing ugly or fat about you. You are a boisterous and outgoing kid that likes to be outdoors with your own mind. Follow that mind. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. You are smart. A little leader.
Those skills will be challenged and put to the test. You will go through them with bump and bruises but you will be stronger. Mom loves you but the sickness keeps her cold. You may fight with Dad a lot but he was always happy you stood up and questioned authority.
It does get better. You were young, very young to be grown up at such a young age. Those hormone filled boys that made your life miserable were jerks. Talk to Dad about it. He does care.
You will go through life feeling doomed. There is light at the end of that tunnel. You are not a loner but an extrovert yearning to get out. Loneliness and food are not your friends. They do nothing sustain and hurt you.
300 pounds is not the way to hide your feelings. It doesn’t masquerade the real you. I know that box of cookies in the cabinet called to you when no one else did. Don’t listen. You are better than that. Keep writing and reading. It helped you in hard times and were an escape.
Weight does not describe you. That number you see is not important. Don’t let it control you.
You are loved and cared for,
The Older Jen
I felt the need to write this tonight. At the meeting we discussed it. We also discussed that when one of my core values is my unworthiness, it is hard to change. I felt very unworthy today. I called myself names and cried at my desk. Why, I don’t know.
I am going to a weight loss surgery information session tomorrow at a big Boston hospital. I am exploring it along with my therapy as an option.
Do you ever wish you could tell your younger self something?