I heard and read something today that gave me a huge sigh of relief. Like that secret I don’t talk about so much was out in the open. I have mentioned it a little bit here. Here and Now on NPR did a piece on How A Parents Compulsive Hoarding Impacts Children. All I could say was how true it was. How it was isolating. No one ever came over. We never had anyone over. It contributed to my whole problem of locking myself away. It was never really like the television shows.
My mother was a hoarder. Perhaps she just slipped from one mental illness into dementia. I don’t know. She had some schizophrenic tendencies and depression. None of it diagnosed until the dementia diagnosis.
I was a little older when it started. Secret Sister and my brother were the ones that bore the brunt of it. They never had Mom somewhat normal. My brother is 10 years younger than me and Mom was never the same after he was born. I had formulated my plan of escape. I was going to go far far away to college. I started to research colleges early in high school. I was ready. I may have gotten away but it was with me.
We would clean up but it was no good. It would just go back to the way it was in 2 days. Things were in definite disarray. Ultimately what stopped it was the dementia and my parents moving out of their house into a small apartment.
To this day I am worried I will become one. I look at my messy apartment and say I MUST clean up.
Today was a big news day in the mental health world on whether anti-depressants actually work and how many Americans are on them. I am on 2. The generic versions of Prozac and Wellbutrin. Do they help me?
Prozac has helped with my ruminating, I think. Wellbutrin, honestly, am I sure, not really. Do your antidepressants actually work?