I am taking a deep breath. Yesterday was tough. Those support group meetings get to the core. They really do. It dredges up topics that I have discussed in therapy but not in relation to eating. It kind of meshes with my depression therapy and interweaves with it, in and out.
What came first, the depression or the eating disorder? If I had to guess, the depression. I held everything inside. The secret that I was being grabbed and harassed at school. The secret of how my Mom’s descent into mental illness affected me. The fact I grew up too fast and too soon and was not prepared at all. It all conspired and dwelled inside of me.
I began to spend time alone, stealing cookies when no one was looking. I retreated to my bedroom but not in a normal way. School, bedroom, sleep, school, bedroom, sleep, school was my schedule. Food was there when I felt no one else was.
Now 30 years later, I am still working with the same issues. I know now that some of my triggers are:
- Being alone, feeling lonely
- Being bored
I am going to institute the LAMBS method of stopping myself.
L = Am I feeling lonely?
A= Am I angry?
M= Am I missing something?
B= Am I bored?
S= Am I sad?
If I am going to answer YES to any of the above, I need to stop.
Some things I can do when there is a YES:
- Blog (Yep!)
- Knit - I picked LAMBS since it related to knitting
- Take a shower
- Read blogs
- Take a walk
- Vent on Facebook (that tends to get me in trouble) or Twitter
I am sort of upset that I waited this long to deal with this but better late than never.