Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Support Wednesday: Relationships

It’s Wednesday,  so because I will probably be talking about all the stuff in my head, I am going to call Wednesdays “Support Wednesday:”.

Tonight we focused a lot on relationships. I talked about the pressure I feel sometimes to find someone. Yet, that someone might interfere a bit with my recovery. Guys tend to complicate things, for me anyways. When I was dating the poofer, things went haywire. I was binging a lot.  Probably because things weren’t quite right and I knew it but I just wanted to be with someone.

I am lonely. For what I don’t know. Something to fill the void that food filled. Not necessarily romance. I am not really sure.

Yet, I am independent. I can go anywhere, at anytime, with anyone at a moments notice. I have an apartment, a cat, a job, a car, friends and for the most part, outside of my crazy self, I am satisfied with life. I wish I could think normally but that will come.

How the eating disorder is kind of the third person in a relationship.  Maybe the 4th for me, depression was sort of like the 3rd person, the shadow, lurking in the corners. I still somewhat describe myself with depression. I am more then depression. Yes, I suffer. Yes, there are good days and bad days. Depression is an illness. It is not a defining part, or at least it shouldn’t be, a defining characteristic of me.

I leave the meetings feeling better then I do when I get there. I felt pretty good going in today so I left on a high side. It felt good.  I can be happy.

The moderators of the group gave a DBT pamphlet and I can tell that I will find that very usual in dealing with lots of behaviors. I will have to talk about it soon.

Unfortunately, when I got home, I was starving and started to put whatever I could in my mouth. I could not stop until I took a breath and my mind said STOP! Enough Jennifer. I was way low on the hunger scale. My mind was also on overload with the meeting in my head.

The next minute is a new chance….


  1. sounds like there are some deep (and important) topics you're dealing with on Wednesdays. your strength is evident in your willingness to fight through them.

  2. It's good you have a support group. I think dealing with depression and eating disorders is hard to do alone, and a moderated support group might prove very helpful for you. It's good that you have a nutritionist to help you with food. I think that I should probably see a nutritionist too, so thanks for the reminder. I think it's good that you're making positive steps in changing your life, which takes courage and isn't always easy to do. A lot of people don't even try because they're so afraid they can't do it. So try to have faith in yourself and your ability to turn things around.


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