Saturday, April 23, 2011

Handling It

I don't have 5 things to say today. Between shuffling between hospitals, Mom's nursing home and my empty apartment, I am not feeling too good. The nurses at Mom's nursing home asked me today how do I handle having a kids and a husband with both of my parents?

I just don't have them. I am a little weird inside when it comes to relationships, sort of like that Everclear song. I wouldn't want to burden someone anyways. I just better to be alone.

Mom face was bright today but she didn't look at me and she wasn't talking. I was with her for an hour after I went to see Dad, who was quite grumpy today, telling me I knew nothing and should shut up. Raining just made things sort of blend together when I left the hospital.

I am going to go home. Open a bottle of wine, cook dinner and just relax tonight. I don't have any plans. Easter tomorrow is going to be quiet. I was going to breakfast with Dad and since that is out, I am just going to ignore the Easter bunny and all the candy he brings.

If it stops raining, I may go for a walk. It helps me sort out my thoughts.

1 comment:

  1. (((jen)))

    i don't know what to say, because i've never been where you are now. but your dad saying mean things? it has nothing to do with you. he's pissed because he's sick, and there's nothing he can do about it and needs to blame someone. you just have the misfortune of being the closest person.

    if you weren't depressed, i'd think there was something wrong. this is a lot to handle for one person, and not feeling what you are would not be right. you have a right to be upset, angry, frustrated, everything. a lot of things are falling on your shoulders, and it's not fair. you deserve better than this, and you will get through this stronger and better than ever. keep reminding yourself of that. "what cannot kill me, makes me stronger." you will get through it, just remember to take time for yourself while you're trying to take care of everyone else.

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