It’s Wednesday and even though I barely made it on time, I did make it to my meeting tonight. Weymouth to Newton traffic did not hold me back! I was in Weymouth because I picked Dad up from the hospital and quickly transported him home.
It was discussed how you think of the urge to participate in behaviors such as binging and restricting. It was said that they think of the voice that urged them on as being deceased or past away. That they mourn that voice.
I always thought of it more as the enemy. A powerful enemy but an enemy none the less. This thinking still gave the thoughts power and sometimes they leak through. Like tonight after the meeting, I stopped at Walgreens to pick up my refill on my cocktail of medicines and there was the Easter aisle. As I scanned to see if they had the chocolate dipped Peeps that I really liked, they did not, that voice kept screaming, “Buy an egg! Buy a bunny! Buy some Cadbury mini eggs! Buy all 3 of them!” That would have totally been a binge and it was screaming my mine. I left without the candy.
I was told the self compassionate way of it would be to think of it as passed away. That the enemy approach just gives it power. The enemy part is another way of totally beating myself up.
I also talk about my social pattern. How I went from pretty much being a quiet loner to a social butterfly with something every night and weekend. How going from one extreme to the other was not good for me. I need to fly somewhere in the middle of that. I am not happy at either end. At one end I am very lonely. At the other, I want to be alone.
The subject of diets was brought up and my thinking of diets and the scale lately was just a symptom. I need to just eat healthy and forget about the weight number. I have had some crazy and totally unhealthy thoughts down that road recently.
My brain was buzzing again after I left. I have to quiet it down a bit to get to sleep tonight.