I have been struggling this week. When asked at the meeting tonight to give my temperature on a scale of one to ten and I gave a 4, it was being a bit optimistic. This week has been tough on the self esteem. I feel fairly terrible about myself. It is another lather, rinse and blow dry with the ugly thoughts.
We also discussed how you know when you are going downhill, I could chime right in.
I wouldn’t pick something up that Boots had knocked over.
I can’t face the day and have been late to work so many times in the last month that I almost lost my job. This from someone who had to be early every day of her life.
I don’t care what I look like. I am ugly anyways, why bother?
That bill can wait to be paid.
Thought of becoming a hermit again that I really just want to come home every night and do nothing and see no one. It has been really hard to get out there. I have no self confidence and I have been ultra sensitive lately.
I feel defeated, overwhelmed, lonely, ugly, stupid, fat, like a nothing.
Sometimes I wish I would not be honest with myself on here. Reading this makes me sad. I pour my heart out on here and I know it helps me. It is an up and down roller coaster this blog but a life line for me in times like this. This would all be ruminating in my brain until it drove me crazy.
I can’t be everything for everyone. I can’t let people walk all over me. MRI guy called me last night and I did not recognize the number so I answered the call. I was thinking why are you calling me? But that is not what was coming out of my mouth. I was thinking that I really had nothing in common with you and I am not interested. When he asked if I was free this weekend I said “Maybe Saturday.” What kind of answer is that?
I can everything to my family. I can’t do this for Dad one night, taxes for Jimmy and Secret Sister on two separate nights when I do not take care of myself.
When people talk to me about their problems, I really try to help and sympathize with them meanwhile, I am totally tearing myself apart.
Again today I was not feeling well after my appointment and my brain went right along with my physical pain.
My one lesson today is this this:
Is absolutely disgusting. I made the mistake of getting the Big and Toasty Sandwich for breakfast because I was hungry and desperate for a coffee. Never again. Very fake oily, not toasted enough, salty….I should have just gotten the flatbread and save a zillion calories.