Once again, I barely woke up in time to get to my appointment. I rushed out of bed at 8:15, hopped into the shower, quickly washed, fed the cat, partially dried the hair and brushed the teeth. Then I was out the door to my appointment.
My therapy appointment was productive. I talked and talked. We talked about my eating issues and my breakdown over the scale on Wednesday. She really thought I should not be weighing in every week. I can not handle it. I sort of agree. We talked about how food is my loneliness remedy and it does not make me feel good. At the end, she suggested I talk to Multi-Service Eating Disorders Association.
When I got to work, my boss cornered me. She said that my lateness has got to stop and she said my attitude has been bad. The lateness was bothering me more. I am an early bird. I used to arrive a lot earlier then her. Now, I can barely get out of bed. I told her that. I said I was sorry for the attitude though I am often told I look mad when I am not. I told her I am overwhelmed, unhappy at work and that my life was falling apart and a mess. I said that everyone expects so much from me and I can’t live up to their expectations.
I started to cry and when I cry I get all stuffed up and red and am not pretty. She said she understood. I said I am having trouble concentrating at work. I told her I thought my sleeping problems were a mix of the depression and the Topamax I take for my headaches at night. She suggested I cut the pill in half. My boss then told me that my hair was so pretty today and what did I do differently.
After I got myself together and stopped crying, I called MEDA. I am going to go have an evaluation on Wednesday afternoon. The cost is $80 and the first evaluation is not covered by insurance. I really would like to get into a support group. My therapist and I thought OA would be a little too harsh for me so first, I want to go this route.
I also changed my Med Doctor appointment. My therapist and I also thought that yes it was time to maybe change my medicine.
When I left my appointment, I found that someone had hit my side mirror on my car and took the back off, cracked the holder and the mirror. I have to get handled quickly because my car needs to be inspected this month. Just another thing that will cost money and something to worry about.