I was excited yet nervous for my appointment today. After 37 years of some strange habits, some are hard to let go of but I want to lose weight the healthy way. I want to be kind to myself and not binge when things don’t go right or I am lonely.
I am going to attend a weekly support group on Wednesday nights for bulimia and binge disorders. When I would go to Weight Watchers, I was missing some support that was not provided. I wasn’t so much interested in learning the wonders of 100 calorie packs but more on some of my emotional issues. Weight Watchers did nothing for that.
It was also suggested I see a therapist who specializes in food issues and work with a nutritionist as a team with the support groups. I have known I needed to see a therapist for all my food issues and to finally get over the fat as protection setting. No one will want or notice me if I am fat. I don’t deserve to be wanted or noticed. When I was at my lowest weight, I hated the attention. I didn’t want people looking at my chest. I would totally get rid of my chest if I could.
Now, it is probably my fears and my thinking that keep me from a relationship. In the back of my mind, I think I am unworthy and why would anyone love me if I am fat? Something in me seeks being alone but it makes me miserable. I need to be around people.
I want to step on a scale and not have my whole life come crumbling down based on what I see. People have told me how much I change from talkative and bubbly to unhappy and miserable after I step on that inanimate object that has so much control.
Here’s to a better tomorrow and a step forward.