Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Day 1 of Treatment

I had the first support group tonight. I was really nervous when I arrived. Being around new people makes me nervous. Will they think I am crazy? Can I talk about the scale? My past? My binge of a box of crackers, a tub of hummus, some cheese and cold cuts? What made me do it?  Gah!

I am happy to say I did well. I didn’t talk to much. Sometimes when I am nervous, I can go on and on. I did mention my struggle with scale and one suggestion was to get rid of my scale period.  I could do that.

I need to lose weight. There isn’t a question about that. I need to be healthy and get over some of my disordered thinking. I want to give the South Beach diet a try. The first two weeks may be rough, but I am ready. I actually bought the book today.  I can’t handle the scale sanely though.

It is hard balancing the need to lose weight with an eating disorder. Do I stop worrying about losing weight to get better and get bigger and bigger?

I see my therapist Friday and I want to tell her about my progress as she was one that referred me to MEDA. I wonder what she will say. I still haven’t found a therapist that is accepting new patients and focuses on eating disorders.

Dad is asking me for help in selling his timeshare. Tomorrow night, before trivia, I have to go and visit to go over the papers they sent him. I don’t want him taken on anything. He is a constant worry and has been talking about getting lap band surgery. He is the perfect candidate. I am really happy he is taking some notice and care of himself. When all he talked about was dying, I could not take it.

I think I am going to create a scrapbook of Mom in the days before she was taken by the disease. I may hit the craft stores this weekend because I don’t know a thing about scrapbooking and I need to get some pictures of Mom from Dad. Thanks Jodi for suggesting it!

I also want to make a board for myself to put stuff on. Motivational stuff, things I see in magazines, and stuff to fill out the white of my wall that I stare at when I use the computer. I have some corkboards somewhere in my apartment.

I applied to be a volunteer at Blogher ‘11 this year and was rejected. Oh well. They are missing out. I already bought my ticket so I am going anyways but last year, a friend was a mike wrangler and it looked fun. I thought I could help out. Maybe next year.

I also really need to do some updating on the blog. I definitely need to work on the blog roll. There are lots of blogs I read, that you should too!

3 comments:

  1. Hey! I just found your blog. My husbands been in the hospital for the last two weeks and my good eating habits have gone right out the window. Even as I am eating pizza at 10:30 at night I am telling myself "you don't need this" yet I ate it anyway. :(

    I have been rejected from volunteering too - there is a half marathon in my town that kicks of the official race season, I've tried to volunteer for the past three years and I just get a curt email back saying "no thanks." So I will just say its their loss too! :D

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  2. Its really good to hear you did well at group! I remember asking myself basically the exact same questions you did. I only have one group left, and although I get anxious all day before I have to go I always feel better after its over (unless I was just having a bad day.) And I can relate to the binge eating! I haven't binged in about two weeks, which I'm proud of. I think what helps is I'm not counting calories or anything but I've created a whole plan for myself that I've printed off and check off. It just makes it seem like a concrete plan that I have to follow.

    Also, I have a a bunch of pictures together on my cork-board with my favorite woman like Angelina Jolie, Audrey Hepburn & Marilyn. I have a quote by Marilyn Monroe, "I am not interested in money. I just want to be wonderful." Images are so powerful.

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  3. great post, Jen!

    one thing that i keep thinking about with your recovery - maybe you should focus on the group for a while, and not worry so much about diet - don't jump into South Beach, WW, or anything else for a while. maybe a month, because this thing isn't about the weight. the weight is a symptom of the other problem, and the ED group will help you with that. just an idea... i know, you want to get back what you lost when you gained, but maybe you can find it without stressing about food right now. know what i mean?

    i got rejected by the Jimmy Fund to volunteer for the Boston Marathon - who knew that volunteerism was the new black? it seems everyone was vying for that coveted canning gig on Marathon Monday. oh well. there will be other opportunities for the both of us to make a difference in the world by giving our services.

    *smooches*

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