I had the first support group tonight. I was really nervous when I arrived. Being around new people makes me nervous. Will they think I am crazy? Can I talk about the scale? My past? My binge of a box of crackers, a tub of hummus, some cheese and cold cuts? What made me do it? Gah!
I am happy to say I did well. I didn’t talk to much. Sometimes when I am nervous, I can go on and on. I did mention my struggle with scale and one suggestion was to get rid of my scale period. I could do that.
I need to lose weight. There isn’t a question about that. I need to be healthy and get over some of my disordered thinking. I want to give the South Beach diet a try. The first two weeks may be rough, but I am ready. I actually bought the book today. I can’t handle the scale sanely though.
It is hard balancing the need to lose weight with an eating disorder. Do I stop worrying about losing weight to get better and get bigger and bigger?
I see my therapist Friday and I want to tell her about my progress as she was one that referred me to MEDA. I wonder what she will say. I still haven’t found a therapist that is accepting new patients and focuses on eating disorders.
Dad is asking me for help in selling his timeshare. Tomorrow night, before trivia, I have to go and visit to go over the papers they sent him. I don’t want him taken on anything. He is a constant worry and has been talking about getting lap band surgery. He is the perfect candidate. I am really happy he is taking some notice and care of himself. When all he talked about was dying, I could not take it.
I think I am going to create a scrapbook of Mom in the days before she was taken by the disease. I may hit the craft stores this weekend because I don’t know a thing about scrapbooking and I need to get some pictures of Mom from Dad. Thanks Jodi for suggesting it!
I also want to make a board for myself to put stuff on. Motivational stuff, things I see in magazines, and stuff to fill out the white of my wall that I stare at when I use the computer. I have some corkboards somewhere in my apartment.
I applied to be a volunteer at Blogher ‘11 this year and was rejected. Oh well. They are missing out. I already bought my ticket so I am going anyways but last year, a friend was a mike wrangler and it looked fun. I thought I could help out. Maybe next year.
I also really need to do some updating on the blog. I definitely need to work on the blog roll. There are lots of blogs I read, that you should too!