Today started out well. It was a typical day. I went to breakfast with Secret Sister. There wasn’t any fighting or barbs associated with that outing. I came home, vegged in front of the TV, knitted and watched Swamp Men and generally had a decent day off.
Then I went to a Boston Food Blogger event and was totally overwhelmed. The event was a great networking event but it brought out my insecurities. I just get totally overwhelmed and closed up. It is a fight for me to be outgoing and to go to events like Blogher and not know a soul and meet people but even that was a bit easier then tonight. I just felt different. Taller, fatter, freakier looking then anyone there.
It feels good to get it out of my mind. I left a bit early because I wanted to get home and because I am not really feeling good overall. Maybe that is what brought out the insecurity. I know it is all in my head, except maybe the taller (hard to deny that, I am 5’10 and I did have heals on) and I am fat.
I’d just be lying to myself if I told you that I felt different. Even after I got home, the “your ugly” voice was loud in my head. I haven’t had a night like this in a while. Sometimes I feel I take 5 steps forward and two back.
I am just going to relax and watch some new Swamp Men tonight before I go to bed.