Tuesday, November 30, 2010

An Admirer?

Sunday night, I hung out with a friend of mine and we decided to venture out to the behemoth Chinese restaurant on Route 1 in Saugus for dinner. I ordered some kung pao chicken, which has a nice number of points plus per cup now, but I could not finish it so they boxed it up for me.

Last night, as I was dishing out one of the two meals I would get out of the left overs, I noticed writing indented on the box. There were two other containers of food but neither had this indented writing except the one with my left over dinner in it.


Now, I was intrigued. Did the waiter do this to distinguish my food from my friend’s food? Did he think I was sexy? I was wearing my glasses in a green nothing special t-shirt. It was a Sunday night!  I did not notice the waiter looking at me at all.

It has me wondering. Smile

Another day on Weight Watchers. I am kind of looking forward to stepping on the scale after two weeks. I have been good and tracked and this weekend was not so bad since I could not really eat much. I am hoping for a good weigh in. Tonight, I found out how much I like raw carrots dipped in ketchup. I had an omelet for dinner and well, the ketchup was there.

I did 20 minutes on the Stairmaster and 10 minutes on the bike tonight. I really wanted to skip the gym. There was a brush fire next to the Expressway just south of here and traffic tonight was HORRIBLE. I drove in because I slept late yet again. I had changed into my gym clothes at work and decided to do at least 30 minutes and I am glad I did.

I have been feeling pretty good mood wise. I have actually felt good about myself outside of a few stray thoughts. Dad called me at work and he went to his neurologist about numbness in arm. The doctor thinks he may have had another stroke so he has to have a MRI tomorrow. Another thing to worry about but it will not get me down.

Monday, November 29, 2010

5 Things: Weekend TV


It has been a few days. I am finally feeling like my wonderful self again. The stomach bug of some kind totally knocked me out Friday and Saturday. I felt better on Sunday but was a busy gal. I am sort of in a guy quandary and both of the guys have the same name. I am just going to see where things go with both of them.

I missed yet another week of 5 Things. I could not stand to be in front of the computer over the weekend. When one of the guys in the quandary said to me “What was your 5 things this week?” I was like oops. Forgotten again.  I spent this weekend on the couch and watched more TV then I have in the past 6 months over the weekend.

This is some of what I watched.

1. Married to Rock:


It was actually better then it looked. Compared to the number 2 show, these women rock.

2. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:


A $50,000 party for a whiny 4 year old?

3. Alaska State Troopers:


I am strangely drawn to this show. It makes me want to go to Alaska and meet some of their fine troopers.

4. My Dog Ate What?


Yes your dog and your cat ate that.

5. A combination of Michael Weston and Football.


    +    image


Michael Weston + a Patriots win = a good Thanksgiving


In other news, I got caught up on the new Points Plus system with Weight Watchers. My points went up from 32 to 41. I had quite a few points left over for dinner. I also got some activity points from doing my first  2011 Race Up Boston Place training, where I climbed the 38 floor building at one of my work sites.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

A Tired Turkey

I hope everyone here in the States had a Happy Thanksgiving. I had a quiet holiday and spent the next day sick with the stomach bug. I want a weekend do over.  I could barely get off of the couch yesterday and I ate nothing. I feel a lot better today but I am still exhausted and run down.

I was in the store today and I found Diet 7-UP Pomegranate soda again. That makes me happy. I may have to post another plea to 7-UP to keep it around. longer than just Christmas time. Will they listen?

I did go out with the new guy twice and I will post about it later. I am not in a writing mood now.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It Does Happen To Me

The last two days have been crazy! I am just getting a few minutes to actually blog. Tonight I saw Harry Potter & The Deathly Hollows Part 1 and I loved it. I may have to see it again in IMAX, I thought it was that good and I like it a bit better than the book so far. That may be blasphemy but The Half Blooded Prince and the Prisoner of Azbekan are my favorite books of the series.

Something that has never happened to me happened yesterday. I was asked out by a stranger. Yes! Strange isn't it?  It happened at the MRI place where Mom was getting her MRI done. He was there with his father and he helped me get my Mom into the car and put the wheelchair into my trunk while Dad, who was with me, was in the rest room. After he helped, he asked me if I would get something to eat or a drink with him sometime. I was shocked. I was not really dressed up and I was a little bit annoyed at Dad and his constant chatter with strangers. He was talking to the guy's father. I had zero make up or anything really but I for some reason caught his eye.

We ended up meeting for dinner and a drink that night.  We went for dinner in Hull and afterwords walked a bit at Nantasket Beach. He called me "beautiful" and "gorgeous" several times throughout the night. I was thinking are you talking to me?

He was a bit shy and I am not sure how much we actually have in common but I had a good time. He asked me if I had plans on Friday night and I said no so we are supposed to go out on Friday also. I do know he lives with his parents and is younger than me at 33.

Tomorrow, I am cooking for the family. I hope we get through the day without killing each other. I am looking forward to the turkey and stuffing. Plus the Patriots are on. Let's hope they beat the Lions.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Looking Happy

A friend I have not seen in a while told me that I looked happy and how it made her happy. It also made me happy. I have been having a rough time mood wise and I am happy it did not really show. It is a sometimes internal struggle and I don’t want to be told that I am looking sad or down. I was surprised to find out I looked happy. Smile

Tomorrow is going to be a challenging day. I am taking the day off to take Mom for an MRI. They are concerned she can not move her toes on one foot and her whole demeanor has gone down hill. So I am picking Dad up and we will take Mom out to the MRI place. Dad took her to the doctor’s office today and it went well. I was a little worried it was going to be one big problem but Dad said it went well.

When I went to visit Mom yesterday, she was not very lucid at all. She barely looked at me and she did not talk to me. I stayed for a half hour and tried to talk to her but she was not very reactive. It is really hard staying there a long time when she is like that. It just tears me up. Hopefully, the MRI will show something, even if it only is the progression of the disease.

I did an half hour on the elliptical and got some walking in today. Food wise, I ate well and got a lot of vegetables in. I had a salad for lunch while I read my book.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Must Haves

I had a pretty busy weekend. I was busy from morning till night yesterday and it did not stop today. Last night, I was exhausted and was in d by 9:45 pm. That is earlier then I got to bed on a week night. I need to listen to my body.
In my travels yesterday, I found these Knock Knock pads and I am in love.

PS – My keyboard is acting up. 5 Things will be twice next week but my patience is thin tonight.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Good Therapy Session

I had my normal every other week therapy appointment this morning. I brought up my scale issues and the renewed self esteem problems over the last couple of weeks. It felt good to talk to her about it.  She suggested that I weigh in once a month. I thought this over and thought that every two weeks was more like it.  I won’t stress to much and I will continue to log my food and do my normal stuff.  An inanimate object should not control me.

The scale also opened the flood gates for the side of me that I have worked so hard to suppress over the last year. I guess it was not totally gone. I am not sure what it is about weight loss that bring it out. I can’t look in the mirror without the little devil in my mind say ugly things that I know are not true.  This is my mind trying to protect me but it does not work. It does not help me. I want to be healthy.

In the past, I have also substituted alcohol with food when I got close to my goal. It became my soother of choice. That is not good either. I like to drink. I could mindlessly drink a lot but it does not help me forget. It just makes me feel shitty in the morning. That is not to say a martini or two or maybe three is not good now and then. I could easily drink five if given the chance.

My therapist recommended Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. I have had this book on hold at the library forever so I think I am going to go grab it this weekend.  We also talked about The Beck Diet Solution by Dr. Judith Beck and the cognitive behavioral therapy approach that it uses that Weight Watchers does not have as part of their program. I have the workbook and I am going to start to use it.  My whole therapy plan has been using CBT and training my brain to think different ways. I am interested in how these will help.

I have continued to play around with the FX camera on my phone. I love this picture for some reason. Smile

boot x 2

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Heads Games in Weight Loss

I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that Thanksgiving is next week! People are already putting Christmas decorations up. Wasn’t it just Halloween?

Granted, I can not wait for the 4 days off. I really need that mini-vacation. I have been dragging since the time change. I thought that the fall back part of the equation was supposed to be easier. It has been hard. I am not sure if it is my medication, but getting out of bed physically in the morning has been hard! Once I get out I am fine, but the urge to pull the covers over my head and hide is overwhelming. I have to figure another way. I have not heard my alarm the last few days.

There was some good news at work. I will be going to NYC after Thanksgiving to attend a broker party and to finally meet my tenants. I work in commercial real estate and have a lot of Mom and Pop type of tenants in New York. I have been talking to them for a long time but have never met them. I am actually excited.

I have tracked all my food again today as well as the pizza I ate last night. I am trying to wrap my head around being healthier in weight loss this time. The scale number is the master over me and I hate it. I am fighting it. I have been told how talkative and happy I am prior to weighing in then my mood plummets and I get sad, depressed and almost crying after. That number is my self-worth. It has got to stop. The scale is not supposed to make or break my day let alone my week. It should not control me like it does. I need to discuss this with my therapist. I want to have a healthy relationship with the scale.

I can not be motivated by my previous weight loss motivator, self-hatred. I have had thoughts coming into my head that I have fought hard to get rid of. Someone on the WW boards told me that if you follow the program you won’t have a bad scale relationship or become obsessed with food and well, I lost 100+ pounds twice following the program and being obsessed with food along with having the scale determine my mood. I need to be healthier head wise this time.

Today, I avoided negative self talk. I looked in the mirror and stopped the thoughts that were running about my head. I tracked my food and was not obsessed with it. It is a step in the right direction.

Tomorrow my goal is to wake up on time and put some make up on before work.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Gloom and Doom?

All weekend long, no matter where I was, the talk was about the Patriot’s game against the Steelers on Sunday. I swear, all I heard was how Pittsburgh was going to beat if not kill us because of the game the previous week. It was as if the team was not 6-2 but 1-7.

The Patriots ended up becoming 7-2 by beating the Steelers. The win got me thinking today about the gloom and doom attitude the Patriot’s fans seem to have and how maybe it is not only me.

I can be a gloom and doomer. Talk about my family and Murphy’s Law takes over. It is a self defense mechanism that I had to prepare myself for heart break so I would not be so hurt. That attitude tends to be pervasive in the area south of Boston when talking about the Patriots.

In this case, I was the only non-gloom and doomer. I was having a few drinks with Secret Sister on Friday night and the bartender and the other people in the bar were hoping it would not be a total beating on Sunday. I was trying to convince people that they are a good team. It went on deaf ears.

At breakfast on Sunday at The Omelet Factory also with Secret Sister, we were sitting at the counter eating breakfast and conversation started about the game that night and every one at the counter chimed in.  The consensus was not a hopeful one.

The other Boston sports teams do not inspire this kind of attitude except maybe the Bruins. Why was everyone so down? The team is good!

image: FanIQ

I survived another day on WW. I did not go to the gym tonight because I was on a quest to find Fooey spray, a extremely bitter apple spray to spray every cord in the house. I also had to get another keyboard. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I did journal and generally feel pretty good today albeit a bit tired.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

5 Things: Bloggish

I did weigh in today and I lost 1.4 pounds. I’ll take it. I went out last night to check out a new area bar, the Texas Saloon (yes, here in Quincy, MA) with Secret Sister. I had a few #9s and Magners and for a while things were going well. This 60 year old was hitting on me but I was not really into it and asked him not to touch me. Then Secret Sister got all persnickety and I remembered why it had been months since I have gone for drinks with her.

I am happy with the weight loss and will continue this week. Now on to this weeks 5 Things on my blog:

1. I read how people hate Captcha codes so I got rid of the Captcha code to comment on my blog. So now, you won’t have that excuse anymore. Smile 

2. This blog started as an outlet to get the crazy thoughts out of my head and that is what it will continue to be. I’ll talk a little more about my weight issues and continuing on about depression, family, dating and other craziness.

3. If I ever have time, I was told I should think about moving to blog to Word Press. I am not sure since Blogger is so easy and I am about easy.

4. I have started using Whrrl on my Droid. It is like Foursquare. Just another thing.

5. Is there a Google Reader Anonymous? I am an addict. Totally.

There is nothing going on tonight. I am just going to relax and have a glass or two of wine.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Sun!

The sun made an appearance in Boston today and I was so happy to see it. I could just feel the rays helping me. This cold weather with the constant rain does nothing my mood. Plus, I finally got some Vitamin D yesterday and maybe the combination of the two is helpful.

I did well today with points mainly because I left my wallet at home when I left for work. I had planned my lunch all out after looking at Cosi's website, which has good nutritional information, and I was prepared to spend 9 points on their Thanksgiving sandwich but when I got to the register, my wallet was not there.

My stomach was not happy and my brain today.  My boss had half of her tuna sandwich left over, which she gave me and I had some clementines so that was my lunch. All the more points it leaves for some food tonight at Cagney's. I will have at 23 points for dinner. This having lots of points left over for dinner has got to change though. I am fairly hungry now.

Trivia has become the highlight of my week. I look forward to it. Knitting, beer and trivia with good friends is a great time. I have always loved trivia and the people I play with are awesome even if Secret Sister does play with us now. It is good to spend time with her also. I get worried about her and try to help her. I guess that is what older sisters are for.

Speaking of family, I must go see Dad after work. That meeting we had with the social worker last week was a "What more can you do for him?" type of meeting. I guess I am going to cook some meals on weekends for him so he does not have to buy dinner so much.  I am bringing a few cooking magazines over to have him pick out what he wants to eat.

I was a bit upset at the thought that I don't do enough now. I do. I visit him, take him to his appointments, go through the mail, help him make decisions, etc. I have worked so hard to help but not get immersed in him and now I fear I will. The family relationship has always been a bit weird and my therapist has been trying to get me stay connected yet apart for sometime. In most of my therapy session, we talk about my parents for most of the hour. This social worker does not understand.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Vengeful Kitties

I got back into the Zumba mode tonight. I was a little bit off as I was not feeling well, but completed the hour class.  I have been feeling run down, achy and under the weather today. I have a cold that just will not give up.

I was concerned a bit about Boots. He was missing a dime size chunk of fur and it was all red and scabbed over. I had thought it might be ringworm so I brought him to the vets today. Just getting him into the cat carrier involved a game of Jennifer chases cat, only to bribe the cat in the end with treats. Boots hates the car and meowed all the way to the vets office.

When we got there, he charmed the vet techs, acting all cute, nice and shy. He does not have ring worm but had some kind of allergic reaction to something. I got some antibiotics to give him after I type this.

I did know that I would not get away scot free with taking Boots out of the house and in the car without some sort of payback and it came while I was at the gym. I come home to the dark apartment, walk into the kitchen and discover that the glass I put several inches back on the counter has somehow shattered all over the floor. I know revenge was taken.

I am going to go lie down after this and relax. I have also got to fight with Boots to get the amoxicillin in but it should be bad.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A New Book

I woke up this morning convinced it was Sunday and because it was Sunday, I didn’t have to get up. The mind plays cruel jokes sometimes, doesn’t it?

Another day on WW. I noticed today that my hunger was through the roof. I ate more points during the day to accommodate it. I also worked alone. I wonder if the two were correlated? I mean, it was quiet, my thoughts wandered, the tummy growled…I don’t know.  It is a thought.

I finished reading Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon. I read all 8 books of the Outlander series and I liked the first few books and the last book the best. I put one of the Lord John books on hold at the library and I picked up Into the Wilderness by Sara Donati tonight at the library. If I like it, I’ll read the whole series.

Speaking of series, I am getting excited about the Harry Potter movie coming out. I read all of the Harry Potter books and I felt that the books got better as Harry got older. I thought The Half Blooded Prince should have been 2 movies but I am not the director. It was the best book of the series, I think.

One book series I could not get into was Twilight. I tried and struggled through the first 2 books and gave up. To each their own, I guess.

My mood was fairly stable today. No name calling in my head but I did have a headache with my ears buzzing so that took my concentration away.  The weather has a lot to do with my mood, I think. The trees with out leaves makes the area look so drab and bleak. We need some colorful houses or something to make up for the winter drabness.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Keyboard Blues

If it is not a broken monitor, chewed threw cord or dead computer, it is a keyboard that will not type letters.

I survived another day on WW and went to the gym. I am really struggling with the "you're ugly" demons.

Off to have a computer free night.
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Sunday, November 7, 2010

A Weekend Sleeping

Tonight, I am listening to the rain hit the windows. I am dressed in a few layers and I am freezing. I slept in this morning (yesterday too), longer then I was planning. I swear I could sleep all day if I was left to my own devices with nothing planned. Flannel sheets, warmth, no worries, nothing bothering me except for Boots now and then, it is practically my favorite place to be.

I had planned to do a lot this weekend but I accomplished almost nothing besides sleeping in. I did a little bit of shopping because I needed to get some winter work clothes to last me this winter. I will be losing weight but in the mean time, I must be warm.

I tracked all of my food this weekend. I still have 4.5 points to eat today. The problem with sleeping late is that I eat late. When I eat breakfast late it throws everything off.  I didn’t go out to breakfast this morning because Secret Sister had other plans so I ate my typical oatmeal for breakfast but when I ate, it was noon. Oatmeal is filling and I wasn’t hungry until 3 or 4 and the cycle goes on. I am getting back into the Weight Watchers mindset. I hope to make some changes this time:

1. Listen to my body and hunger.

2. After this week,  I am going to follow Filling Foods version of WW.

3. I will not starve myself, nor will I be motivated by self hatred.

4. I am going to try to figure out how to import the WW food journal here to the blog.

This morning, I mixed whole berry cranberry sauce into my oatmeal. I must say, I like it! I am always looking for new oatmeal or hot oat bran mix ins. What do you like with your oatmeal?

I know that sleeping a lot is not a good sign in someone who suffers from depression. I don’t deal with the change of seasons very well. I definitely need to get hold of some Vitamin D.  It is just hard getting out of bed. I have to be up early tomorrow morning because we are meeting with Dad’s social worker at 8 am and I have to go and get Dad, my brother and Secret Sister before hand then trek into Brigham & Women’s.

The social worker is probably going to say I need to do more for Dad. Well, my therapist might disagree. I am not sure how much more I can do besides maybe cook a bunch of meals for the week on a Saturday. My parents have taken a lot of my time and energy and I am not sure I can give more. I am already involved quite a bit in helping Dad with day to day stuff. My therapist once said I need to separate myself from my family and not be so involved. I can see pressure coming.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

5 Things: Crazy Jen

I am a bit quirky. Some might say crazy or even loveable. I have some traits that I am not sure where they came from, certainly not my parents.

1. When dogs bark at me, cats meow, if I see cows or really any kind of animal that makes a noise, I must make that noise back at it. I tried to find the old Far Side cartoon that basically had the cows pointing “It’s people!” and people mooing at them back but I could not find it. I try to control it when I am around other people, but it is hard.

2. Another thing I try to control around other people when I am driving or in another car, is the compulsion to change the station on the radio every 3 minutes.I must really be comfortable with person to do it in another person’s car.  I have gotten better at this but I wore the numbers off of the preset buttons of my old car by pressing them so much. It is also hard but I am working on it.

3. Boots has a Facebook page. I was bored. I could not help it. He will have more friends then me at some point of other cats on Facebook.  Did you know how many cats, bunnies, dogs, ferrets, etc. are Facebook? There are more then one of me other there. It may be a scary thought. Smile

4. I like saying words like discombobulated just because I like the way they sound. It is a bit fitting lately.

5. I see that gingerbread is back in the stores like Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts, which had a pretty good gingerbread cookie surprisingly. That makes me very happy. There is a gingerbread store, Ginger Betty’s, down the street from me. I am definitely going to have pay them a visit.

Friday, November 5, 2010

A Plan

I have been disgusted with myself and only I can do anything about it. I have decided that I love the Weight Watchers program but I hate meetings. I don’t get much out of them.  They just don’t do it for me. So I am going to do Weight Watchers online. I’ll weigh in tomorrow morning. I am going back to the boards – if you post on the boards there, I’ll be back more often.  I will talk about it here a lot.

I want to do a cookie Friday type of thing. Maybe not with a cookie but once a week, I can spend some of my points on something good like a martini (it is my grandmother’s maiden name) or perhaps a cookie or a piece of pizza. Whatever I feel like. I will journal it and move on. You can eat anything on WW but I can’t. I have seriously messed up my metabolism over the years. I know what I need to do. I have lost over 100 pounds twice before and I can do it again.

Weight Watchers, when will come out with a Droid app?

There will be no beating myself up. I can’t take it. I try to suppress the thoughts when I look in the mirror. It is becoming harder and harder.  I have been doing this my entire life.  It is not just about my looks. I can’t write some of things I think about myself because I will just start crying. That’s when I go back to thinking about the past. Gah! It must stop. For two years, I have been getting better not regressing.

A friend of mine suggested I start taking 2000 IU of Vitamin D. I am going to buy some soon. Ever since the change in the weather, I have felt myself slide down from my place of stable thoughts. I don’t get into the sun as much as I should, no one in New England does. It will help me, I hope on top of the Wellbutrin/Prozac.

Speaking of Droid apps, I have been playing a bit with my new phone and came across FX Camera and I’ve been experimenting. Here is Boots in Polandroid:

Boots polandroid

More to come, but Boots is not the best of models.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


I have a lot of friends with different backgrounds, different political point of views, different upbringings and I think it brings new things into my life. It makes interesting discussion and I don’t want to be around people that are 100% like me all the time. Life would be so boring. There are very few people like me anyways Smile.

It is a conversation I had today that really got to me. I was sitting, reading my book, and a person I am familiar with said “I don’t know how anyone could vote for so and so, I would never associate with someone that stupid.”

I am somewhat quiet but when provoked, I can’t help but speak up. It is like the awakened devil in me or something. I put my book down and said, “Well, you associate with me don’t you? And I associate with you, don’t I? Am I dumb, stupid and an ignoramus because I did in fact vote for so and so?”

He stumbled and said, “Oh I didn’t mean you.” Who did you mean?

I hate that attitude of you must be dumb because you disagree with me. It drives me crazy because I am far from dumb yet I have a differing point of view from most people I know here. I don’t talk about it a lot because that superiority complex around here comes out.

Sometimes I find people who claim to be the most open-minded are quite the opposite.

I even complimented myself up there. That is progress! It is end of the year review time and my boss had to change my wording on my year end comments because I downed myself too much. That was a problem.

I signed my life away to get a flu shot tonight and I am off to trivia soon.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010





This year has flown by. I have a hard time believing it is already my birthday when last year seemed like yesterday. The time definitely goes by faster as you get older.

I wonder if I should change the tag line of the blog. I think I will leave it for now.

Work today was another budget filled day filled with sinus headaches. I was so happy to go home at 5 pm. I am tired of the budgets. I just want the whole project done. My other work is piling up in a never ending pile and I am getting further and further behind.

After work, Dad, Secret Sister and I went to a local restaurant, the Abington Ale House,  that gives you a free birthday meal on your birthday if you come with someone one else. I was good to spend time with both of them in a mostly squabble free zone. They are making more of an effort to get along. It is sort of a tradition to go there. We always seem to go get our free meal there (as does everyone else in the restaurant.)

Secret Sister offered to take me out for a drink after dinner but I declined. I was tired and really just wanted to get home. I have become a bit of a fuddy-duddy in my old age – especially on a work night. She’ll buy me a drink tomorrow at trivia. She is back to tagging along for trivia and watching us knit.

Saturday night I am heading out with a few friends to one of my favorite Italian restaurant in the North End of Boston, Antico Forno. It will be a good time.

My cold was feeling better but now, it is back with a bloody nose. It is one of those feel good 1 day, feel bad the next kind of thing that is lasting for a little bit too long. I am going to get a flu shot before trivia tomorrow, so I hope it does not make me sicker.


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Not much today

I woke up this morning with the worst sinus headache so I decided to save myself and use a sick day. I could not hear myself think because my ears were ringing and Boots was nearby so I decided just to do it and not feel guilty.

I have been freezing all day. I am wearing more then 1 layer of clothing. It is getting cold out. I need to find my gloves and mittens. I don’t remember where I put them last spring. At least, I can wear the stuff I knitted now.

I did get dressed just to vote even though it does not look most of the candidates I voted will win. Oh well. I sort of expected it. It happens more often then not. 

I am feeling a bit better today mood wise. Maybe it was the birthday tomorrow bringing it on. I don’t know. I don’t have any plans for my birthday except to go get a free meal with my Dad and Secret Sister. It would be just like any other day if it wasn’t for the meal out. 

I am off to watch some of the election results on TV. It may be a long night.

Monday, November 1, 2010


I have been feeling fairly ugly lately. I am disgusted by my weight. I am disgusted by this disgusting piece of vitriol put out by Marie Claire. If you haven't read about it on various blogs, I linked to the article, Should Fatties Get A Room?, which basically says that overweight people shouldn't be on TV and they should not have any sort of love interest because the author is too disgusted by it because of the TV program, Mike and Molly.

All of this and my looking in the mirror and seeing nothing but unlovable ugliness and I am slipping back into the shadow's realm. It sucks. My weight is wicked high. My self esteem is wicked low. I just want to curl up in the bed and hibernate. I can't do this to myself again.

I am going to take one day at a time and find a Weight Watchers meeting again. There has to be a leader in the Boston area I will like. I have get control of my mind. Maybe it is time to think about adjusting things a bit. I don't know. It is the time of year where the trees lose their leaves and my mood plummets.

My birthday is in 2 days too. I can't believe another year has gone by and I am stuck on the same path. I have signed up to go to a grad school open house at Boston University's Metropolitan College in the Urban Planning program.

At last tomorrow, all the political mail, sign holders, TV commercials, smear campaigns, lies, etc will be over. Don't forget to vote! Hopefully, some of people and issues I voted for will win.

I heard this and loved it. It spoke to my mind tonight and I wanted to share it with you.