Thursday, April 29, 2010

Memories

I was reading Smithsonian Magazine on the way home today, when I came across an article on treating memories that haunt you. I was someone that really focused and obsessed on memories of the past.  Therapy and Prozac has helped me but I still think about the events somewhat. 


I find the premises fascinating.  I have wasted a lot of time ruminating over the past that for a while, it was driving me crazy. I never had PTSD but I was totally haunted by events in my past. If it could have helped me deal with it better and not chew it over so many time, it would have been welcomed. 


Never mind that I am fascinated by the neuroscientist pictured.  Tall and dark. So different from me!


No sign of the camera off to the store I go.  I need a camera for the Walk for Hunger on Sunday. It is a 20 mile walk to raise money for the Greater Boston Food Bank. 

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Part 2 - Where do lost things go?

I totally suck lately. Really.

I can't find my camera now. It disappeared. It was old and the pictures weren't good but it is my only camera and I can not find it. I really want a camera for the Walk for Hunger on Sunday and my trip to Louisville on Memorial Day so guess what I will be buying this weekend.

Ugh.

I did go to the cattle call aka Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles to get a new license, which I will get in the mail and I did not need a new picture but now this.

It is freaking me out.

Am I becoming like Mom? What is happening to me?

Will I get dementia and die alone with no one to take care of me? That is my biggest fear. Screw the other diseases. I don't want my brain to die like Mom's is.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Where do lost things go?

I was all set to go to the gym after work.  I got dressed for it, grabbed a magazine then I went to look for my license. It was not in my wallet.  The last time I remember seeing it was at the Bacon & Beer Festival.  Ugh.  So instead of working out, I was tearing my room apart. I didn't find it.  


I went on the Registry's website and I can not get a duplicate license online so I must get myself down to the Registry sometime tomorrow. Ugh.  I was totally side tracked.  By the time I stopped tearing the room apart, it was past 8. I was starving.  I gave up on going to the gym.  


Dinner was a quick ham and cheese omelet with broccoli on the side.  It was quick and easy. 



On top of the omelet, I put some of the Bacon Hot Sauce I bought on Saturday.  It doesn't really taste like bacon and it's not very hot but I like the flavor.   




I am frustrated that I lost the license.  I am in a so so mood today. The weather is gray and I just feel sort of blah.  I meet with the psychiatrist to go over my medication tomorrow. At least it is another day closer to the weekend. 

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Where do weekends go?

Congrats to Linda for winning the Stop & Shop gift certificate.  It should be on its way soon.


This weekend was full of ups and downs. I went to the Bacon and Beer Festival on Saturday.  It was full of bacon, the best part, and beer.  I forgot my camera at home though.  I went with Secret Sister and the afternoon ended in drama, as it often does with her.  I was upset, she was upset and it ended badly.  Why can't we get along? She pushes my buttons so well. Ugh!


Today, I went to the New Balance Factory Outlet store in Brighton.  I went there to buy sneakers but driving through Brighton was comforting.  My parents grew up in Brighton.  I drove by the church they were married in, St. Columbkille's on Market Street.  I drove by where Mom grew up and the places Mom and Dad went to when they were young.  I would not be here if it weren't for Brighton I guess. 


The 20 mile Walk for Hunger is next weekend and I need new sneakers. I bought two pairs and broke one in on a long walk this afternoon at Wollaston Beach and around the local neighborhoods.  I wasn't feeling good and thought a walk would help.  I sort of regretted it halfway through but persevered onwards.   


I also went to visit Mom today.  She is not doing well.  She keeps chomping her mouth. It is the only way to put it.  She also shakes her leg uncontrollably. She was not very talkative and the nurse thinks maybe her teeth are bothering here as she is not eating, which is totally unlike her.  I always leave there depressed.  It was no different today.


I am going to see about taking next Monday off to recuperate after the Walk for Hunger. It will be good to have a long weekend!
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Thursday, April 22, 2010

It's almost Friday and Stop & Shop Giveaway!


Tonight I am going to see Gaelic Storm at Showcase Live in Foxboro at Gillette Stadium.  I loved them last years and Showcase Live is a great place to see a show and I am excited. I could not get someone to go with me so I am going by myself. That does not bother me. 


They did not see anything in my ultrasound today. The technician had done very few head and neck ultrasounds. I may see an MRI in the future. 


Someone left their camera connected to the computer last night. She discovered it this morning and when she went to work and forgot to pack new batteries because the ones in there were dead.  Oh well.


Breakfast consisted of old fashioned oats, some pumpkin, 1 tablespoon of Teddie Natural with Salt peanut butter and some pumpkin spice.  I could not finish it! For lunch, I brought a ham and cheese wrap with a little bit of the dill yogurt dip and a banana.  It was pretty good. I am boiling water for some whole wheat pasta now. 






Thanks to the wonderful people at General Mills and Stop & Shop through MyBlogSpark, I received a $20 card to spend on my favorite General Mills products, Green Giant veggies and some Whole Grain Cheerios. I am going to give one lucky winner a $20 gift certificate to Stop & Shop. Just leave a comment about what General Mills product is your favorite here and I will pick a winner on Friday night.


If you don't win, you can buy 5 participating General Mills products at Stop & Shop with your Stop & Shop card and use a reusable bag, you'll be entered to win one of two 2010 eco-friendly Hybrid cars. I hope one of you wins!


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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Watching cars go by

There is a spot near work and the TD Garden that you can watch the cars drive onto the Zakim Bridge and out of the tunnel. I went there today on my lunch break.  The wind was blowing. The cars were whizzing by and I just stood their watching and thinking. It was a great place for me to clear my mind.  I was in a definite thinking mood today.


Maybe it was because I was basically alone at work and being alone brings it out. Maybe it is the pending ultrasound tomorrow. I don't know. I am worried about Dad.  He has not been doing so good lately. Something is not right with him. 


When I got home from work and knitting tonight, I found I got my blood results from the other day. My sedimentation rate westergren was high, which means inflation is present. It is probably related to my face.
The other blood work was fine. My glucose was fine and all the other stuff was in normal range.  


Today was my first full day of following the nutritionist's plan.  The plan basically is I get 6 servings of whole grains, 5+ of veggies, 3 of fruits, 8-9 of protein, 1-2 of milk & yogurt and 6 of fats.  There is a calorie range for each serving. I am to try to get 1,800 or less calories per day.   


Today, I got 1,685 per my notes. Not too bad. I wasn't really hungry.


Breakfast consisted of 1 cup of Stonyfield Farms fat free plain yogurt, 1 cup of defrosted blueberries with 1 teaspoon of honey. It was pretty good. I did not miss the cereal I usually put in. 





Purple goodness!














Lunch, was a whole wheat wrap with Trader Joe's Chipolte hummus, dill yogurt dip, spinach, tomatoes and it looked something like this.




This was my dinner from last night but I made one for lunch too.














Dinner was a Trader Joe's Chili Lime Chicken Burger with a piece of light Munster cheese, spinach, peppers and tomatoes with ketchup on a whole wheat wrap.  Pretty darn good. 


I am on a spinach kick lately. Are you hooked on anything lately? 




I was in a pretty funky mood. Not really down but not really content either.  Just there. I bottle up my emotions and that is what I am doing. 


Back to Food, Inc on PBS. Have a great night!


PS - Blogger in Draft's picture positioning is driving me crazy.  Any idea of how to fix it? The big holes in between pictures are not there when I type it out. 

Monday, April 19, 2010

Let's Get Physical

Today was the physical day. It was not as bad as I thought.  My weight was a little less then when I last weighed in. I was still 5'9 and 3/4s so I have not shrunk either.  My doctor was staring at my face though.  She thought one side of my face looked swollen.  Coincidentally, it is the side that I have been having my horrible headaches. She actually called a colleague and asked him what she should do. The verdict, an MRI on Thursday. Hopefully, it is nothing to worry about.  Those headaches have been brutal lately though and I hope nothing is wrong.


She was also confused about my medication for depression.  I am happy with my meds for the most part there. 


Food wise I had a good day.  I brought my breakfast and lunch to work and had a good dinner.


Stonyfield Farm Fat Free Plain Yogurt, defrosted blue berries, 1 teaspoon of honey and All Bran Bran Buds that I got as a free sample from a magazine add. 




 It looks like a purple mess and the Bran Buds sort of took all the juice but it was good.


Prior to my physical, I had a Laughing Cow Babybel Light wedge. Somehow the wax makes it taste better, in mu opinion. I was not able to eat lunch before leaving for the doctor's office and I was hungry and it did OK tiding me over.


Lunch was a turkey and pepper jack cheese with spinach and mustard in a whole wheat wrap.  I had a banana on the side. I was really hungry by the time I got back to the office.  I ate the wrap in no time.  Around 4, I had a lemon Lara bar. I love Lara bars! 


I bought a lot of different veggies yesterday when I went shopping so tonight, I took some radicchio, spinach, summer squash, zucchini, beets (loved the steamed and peeled ones from Trader Joe's that I got), tomato and a bit of goat cheese into a salad with some not so good Fat Free French like dressing. I also had a pork chop with salsa and a bit of Laughing Cow spreadable cheese.  It was a good dinner. 
























I did make it to the gym and did the StairMaster and walked on the treadmill. My head was hurting but I tried to ignore it and press on. 

I am worried about my head but I will not Google anything. 



Sunday, April 18, 2010

Definitely, It's Sunday


Today was just one of those type of days. I woke up with a splitting headache and I still have it. My ears hurt a bit and I just feel stuffed. Luckily, I have my yearly physical tomorrow (ugh) so if it does not get better, I can tell my doctor.


I went food shopping today at Trader Joe's and Hannaford's.  I got a lot of food.  I have no excuse not to bring my lunch. I also did my laundry today.  


Boot's let me sleep in.  I wish I could sleep in tomorrow. It is a state holiday here in Massachusetts, Patriot's Day, tomorrow. Unfortunately, the company I work for does not acknowledge it for their employees in Massachusetts and my boss is off this week so I get to work. 


I started my day with lots of coffee, some 1% milk, 2 Van's Berry Boost waffles with Teddie natural peanut butter and some fresh pineapple on the side.  It was pretty filling and gave me a much need boost of caffeine. 




I did manage a turkey and Havarti with dill wrapped in a whole wheat tortilla with a little mayonnaise after shopping.  It was OK.  

Dinner consisted of 96% ground beef, peppers, onions and cheese cooked in olive olive with Mrs. Dash's Southwest seasoning and ketchup on the side.  I had some of Polar's diet raspberry lime soda with dinner.It is one of my typical fast dinners. 








I had a Breyer's Vanilla Caramel Chip bar for dessert and am microwaving water for some Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride tea with honey.  I hope that will help me. 


I sent a photo of my Dad during his heyday to My Parents Were Awesome. Hopefully it will make it. He's the one with the psychedelic glasses and the cigarette
.


In response to my headache, I think it brings my mood down.  I start to think down thoughts and well, I need to stop that. It is funny how the mind works sometimes.  When I don't feel well physically then I tend not to feel well mentally.  


Boots has been following me around all day. He senses that I am not at my best I think. 




He loves his chipmunk.  I love how he plays with it and picks it up. 




Friday, April 16, 2010

A little late but Day 2

 I had trivia last night and by the time I got home, I was totally pooped! I love trivia. I have always loved trivia. I belong to a cool little group that knits, drinks and plays trivia. They are awesome ladies and I am glad to belong. We are in a 6 week tournament and are doing ok now. I need to ratchet up my trivia knowledge. The bar we play at is a neighborhood joint with cheap drinks and good food.

Yesterday was pretty good food wise. I have been trying to mix up my food choices. I eat a lot of the same things and sometimes have oatmeal 20 days straight. I had one cup of fat free Stoneyfield Farm plain yogurt, defrosted in the microwave blueberries, they have more juice that way, a little bit of Quaker Oatmeal Squares cereal and a teaspoon on honey. By the time I got to work, it was a yummy purple mess. 

I didn't bring my lunch yesterday so I walked over Whole Foods near work and made a salad of mixed greens, onions, peppers, olives, beets, chicken sausage, feta with olive oil and red wine vinegar dressing. I often go to Whole Foods and absolutely nothing says "Eat Me" and this was a little but of a compromise. I wanted a little salty crunch so I got a 1 serving bag of Smart Puffs.  I can feel myself getting very smart.

Dinner was a bit of a mix.  Before trivia I had some whole wheat spaghetti with Barilla Spicy Marinara and some real Parmesan cheese. I need to keep my Italian side happy. At trivia, I had some homemade potato chips and a jalapeno popper and one macaroni & cheese bite. 

I had 2 Salty Dog Apricot beers and I loved them! I am a picky beer drinker at best and this beer had a rush of apricot taste with the beer taste after. I am converted. I must buy some for the big Yay for May! party in May. I need to look up some nice appetizers and cool cocktail recipes.

I am meeting some friends tonight at the Venetian Moon, more on that later.

PS - I am very happy Blogger in Draft has put back the spell check. I missed it!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Day 1

I survived the day. I think I am going to start the picture thing again.  I kind of liked it.

I had my peanut butter and banana old fashioned oats cooked in 1% milk for breakfast. I had a Hungry Pilgrim wrap for lunch. That consisted of turkey, stuffing, lettuce, carrots, onions and cranberry sauce wrap in a whole wheat wrap.  I had one of those Cafe Delight squares for a snack. I actually had dessert before dinner, more about that later, it was mint chocolate chip lowfat yogurt with jimmies. When I got home, I had a can of Progresso Chicken and Dumplings soup and an English muffin with butter. The soup was pretty good. It was late and quick. 

One of my goals was to drink more fluids, period.  I have a habit of not drinking anything.  I had about 3 cups of water, some soda and coffee. 

The reason I had dessert first was I met that OKC guy tonight.  He was shorter than I expected and was shorter than me. We had ice cream and talked. He hugged me at the end.  He was easy to talk to and I talked a lot, I think. Nothing really clicked with me. We'll see.

I am exhausted tonight so I am going to bed after this.  I have a headache that does not see to go away. Ugh!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Rough Day

This is one of the get it off of my chest posts.


I went to the nutritionist tonight. I signed up and paid for sessions at the gym.  It was my intake meeting.  We discussed vitamins and made some vitamin changes.  We talked about my health, what genetics I have (lots to talk about there), what I wanted out of the meetings, etc.


We stepped on the scale.  I was totally not prepared for the number I saw. 262.1. That is 80 lbs above when I was at my lowest since childhood.  It was totally upsetting.  I held it in and then the beating up began. If LOST was not on (and where the hell is that going???), I probably would have come home and cried.  How could I retreated to food again? How could I let myself get up again? 


I thought I was eating fairly healthy for the last month but I gained about 20lbs in the last two months.  Ugh. Stress and eating while depressed got to me.  But I am back on track.  Hopefully, the nutritionist will  not run away from all of my issues. I talked a lot during the meeting. I will have a lot to discuss at therapy in two weeks.  


I will not tear myself down. I am not stupid.  I am not a failure.  I am not ugly.  I am my own worst enemy. I go again in 2 weeks. 

Monday, April 12, 2010

Never Ending TPS Reports

I don't talk about work very often but I am beginning to think I have been transported to the set of Office Space.

Image from Testearly.com

Let's not get into the computer problems. I have spent more time on the phone with the help desk that I am beginning to know all about their private lives. 

I am a bit frustrated with the whole thing. 






Sunday, April 11, 2010

Comedy with Dad

I went to see Chelsea Handler with Dad at the Citi Performing Arts Center on Tremont St. I was reluctant to go see her type of show with my father.  There are just somethings I don't want to talk to Dad about and listening to her jokes while with him made me sort of cringe.


I loved her opening act, Heather McDonald.  I don't think I laughed so much in a long time. I did some serious laughing because my jaw was really hurting last night. (TMJ is a big pain.) Chelsea was not as funny and pretty raunchy. My Dad was just happy to see me laughing a lot or so he told me.  


I got told by one of the ushers, who Dad was flirting with (UGH), that pictures were a no-no.  I need to get a cool phone that I could have disguised to take a picture. 


I went to pilates for the first time this morning.  I really need it.  My posture is terrible and I will admit it.  It is one problem with being large chested. I have to consciously work on it more.  The class was for true beginners such as myself. My upper back hurts a lot to the point, sometimes I would like to get a reduction.  If I could improve it through pilates, it would be awesome.   


Do you do pilates? Has it helped your posture?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Cashmere Challenge II


A new Nordstrom's has opened near me.  I would not have really thought about visiting it because I would have thought it was very expensive but I got a catalog in the mail and I want to go!













I love the color of this dress. I think it would look great on me.













I really really need a skirt like this one for work.  I love that it is classic yet sexy. 


I love the spring colors on this dress.  It is fun! I could not be sad in this dress.

I think Nordstrom has been added to my plan. Shopping for clothes generally gets me down but when there is gorgeous clothing in plus sizes, I like it.  



So, this morning, me and my friend went on Cashmere Challenge II.  Back in February, we went on Challenge I. The trick we learned this time was to bring bags, leave the coffee in the car and get to the warehouse early.  The warehouse opened at 8 am and we were ready.  It was easier to look through the piles in the beginning.  I left with 3 sweaters:








Yep, I got the same sweater in blue and brown. I need a cardigan to wear to work but not be heavy. They are so soft!







Then this one looked cute on me and for $10, I could not resist.




















Thursday, April 8, 2010

Craziness!

I miss my old boring life.  This week has been wicked crazy!  My father's step brother's son is visiting from Washington state.  Tuesday, I did the tourist thing in Boston. I like it! I should have people who have never come to Boston visit so I can show them around.  We went to some of the Freedome Trail sites, Faneuil Hall, the Public Library, which has this cool 1950's -1970's Boston photo exhibit on display and everything in between. He has been crashing on my couch. 


It is kind of funny because he is the polar opposite of me. He is tattooed, wants to talk to people on the subway, very daring.  I am not tattooed, don't want people to talk to me on the subway and not so daring.  He pulled me out of my envelope and I pulled him back into the envelope. 


He has invited me to come to visit Washington.  He lives in Yelm, which I believe I about an hour away from Seattle.  I may have to take him up on that offer. I would have to drive to Portland to visit a friend there also.


Work has been crazy too, which made me sort of feel overwhelmed.  At least tomorrow is Friday! The Thursday trivia team I am on starts a tournament tonight. I hope to kick some trivia ass.





Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter!

What a gorgeous Easter day in Boston! We could not have had a better day. Even though we did not dye any eggs nor did the Easter bunny pay a visit, it was a great day.

I picked up my somewhat confused Mom at the nursing home and we took her out to brunch.  She was not expecting me to get her and that made her confused, to say the least.  We managed to get to the restaurant even though she grabbed the driving wheel while I was slowing down at a light, telling me "You'd better slow down!" I was going 2 miles a hour.  Classic Mom moment! She did not want me to drive her back. She wanted Dad to do it.  

The meal was a brunch buffet and I went and got Mom some food.  I choose food I wanted and didn't just load whatever I saw on the plate.

I wish I was more of a photographer.  I had my camera but it did not make it out of my purse. I need to put more effort into taking pictures.  How do you guys do it?

After lunch, I went for a long walk down to Wollaston Beach.  It was crowded today! No biker gangs though.  There were a few freaks who let their kids in water.  The water is only about 40F degrees.  It may be 80 out but the water is still freezing.  

Saturday, April 3, 2010

The Easter Bunny

is not coming to my apartment tonight.  Which is good,  Boots probably would not like it. 

I am feeling much better then my post from the other day.  Funny how a day of sunshine makes you feel. Today was a gorgeous day in Boston.  I went to a Lia Sophia jewelery party a friend of mine had and spent far too much on jewelery.

I don't have jewelery, so I don't wear it, so no one buys it for me because I don't wear it, etc. I spent a little bit too much on jewelery today so that may change. I can't wait to photograph it all. I also volunteered to host a jewelery party. What am I getting myself into!

I have decided, in addition to the jewelry party, to have a 1st Annual Yay for May! party.  This is a HUGE step for me.  Having people over! People may or may not come.  I am always afraid no one will show up but I am going to do it and I am so excited.  I have some planning and cleaning to do. I will do the invites on Facebook tomorrow.  It is a whole new arena for me.  The stars must be aligning or something. 

Tomorrow, I meeting Secret Sister and Dad, who is getting Mom from the nursing home, and we are going to Easter Dinner at Peppercornz on Main in Weymouth.  I have eaten there before. Mom liked it and the food was wicked good.  I can't wait to see Mom smile.

Happy Easter everyone!











Thursday, April 1, 2010

Why do I do this to myself?

Today at work was horribly frustrating.  I was busy, didn't get to eat lunch until 3 and everything went wrong.  Then the mind started to wander...


I got another one of those "Thanks but your not for me" letters from Match.  It makes me think that I just meant to be alone.  I wonder if I am really that bad.  Is something wrong with me?


I did get to the gym tonight and that helped me a little bit.  At least I got some of my work frustration out.  I really miss talking about work with Rich.  It helped me more than most things, except this blog.  My outlet.


Tomorrow is Friday and I can't wait until 5 pm.