The last couple of days have been a struggle. Dad was in the hospital again. Luckily, he is out as I write this but it topped off a couple of bad days. It all started when an acquaintance said to me , "You'd be so pretty if you'd lose all the weight." That really dug deep into me and festered. It had an affect on me that hurt more than I want to admit.
I was worried about Dad. He currently has a heart that pumps at 70% capacity. A fill in for his primary care doctor had done an EKG and saw a reading that was concerning. They told him to go to the emergency room, which he did. At the emergency room, they would not listen to what he had to say about his cardiac condition and did all these test on him to find out what we already know. He has been released to follow up with his cardiologist, which he was doing already.
The combination of the two things and a big mistake at work, had me crying in a grocery store parking lot last night. I could not stop for 10 minutes. All these thoughts of not being good enough or pretty and worry for Dad set me over the edge. I recovered enough to go in and buy some groceries that I needed but the damage was done.
I am really looking forward to the weekend. I hope to relax. I am going to a cupcake holiday tea on Saturday and I hope to put my Christmas tree up. I really hope to sleep in. I don't have to be up early and I plan not getting up early. With the cold weather really upon us now, it just makes me want to hibernate.
I need a mental health day off. Maybe to start Christmas shopping because I have not started yet!