Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Heads Games in Weight Loss

I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that Thanksgiving is next week! People are already putting Christmas decorations up. Wasn’t it just Halloween?

Granted, I can not wait for the 4 days off. I really need that mini-vacation. I have been dragging since the time change. I thought that the fall back part of the equation was supposed to be easier. It has been hard. I am not sure if it is my medication, but getting out of bed physically in the morning has been hard! Once I get out I am fine, but the urge to pull the covers over my head and hide is overwhelming. I have to figure another way. I have not heard my alarm the last few days.

There was some good news at work. I will be going to NYC after Thanksgiving to attend a broker party and to finally meet my tenants. I work in commercial real estate and have a lot of Mom and Pop type of tenants in New York. I have been talking to them for a long time but have never met them. I am actually excited.

I have tracked all my food again today as well as the pizza I ate last night. I am trying to wrap my head around being healthier in weight loss this time. The scale number is the master over me and I hate it. I am fighting it. I have been told how talkative and happy I am prior to weighing in then my mood plummets and I get sad, depressed and almost crying after. That number is my self-worth. It has got to stop. The scale is not supposed to make or break my day let alone my week. It should not control me like it does. I need to discuss this with my therapist. I want to have a healthy relationship with the scale.

I can not be motivated by my previous weight loss motivator, self-hatred. I have had thoughts coming into my head that I have fought hard to get rid of. Someone on the WW boards told me that if you follow the program you won’t have a bad scale relationship or become obsessed with food and well, I lost 100+ pounds twice following the program and being obsessed with food along with having the scale determine my mood. I need to be healthier head wise this time.

Today, I avoided negative self talk. I looked in the mirror and stopped the thoughts that were running about my head. I tracked my food and was not obsessed with it. It is a step in the right direction.

Tomorrow my goal is to wake up on time and put some make up on before work.

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