I had my normal every other week therapy appointment this morning. I brought up my scale issues and the renewed self esteem problems over the last couple of weeks. It felt good to talk to her about it. She suggested that I weigh in once a month. I thought this over and thought that every two weeks was more like it. I won’t stress to much and I will continue to log my food and do my normal stuff. An inanimate object should not control me.
The scale also opened the flood gates for the side of me that I have worked so hard to suppress over the last year. I guess it was not totally gone. I am not sure what it is about weight loss that bring it out. I can’t look in the mirror without the little devil in my mind say ugly things that I know are not true. This is my mind trying to protect me but it does not work. It does not help me. I want to be healthy.
In the past, I have also substituted alcohol with food when I got close to my goal. It became my soother of choice. That is not good either. I like to drink. I could mindlessly drink a lot but it does not help me forget. It just makes me feel shitty in the morning. That is not to say a martini or two or maybe three is not good now and then. I could easily drink five if given the chance.
My therapist recommended Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. I have had this book on hold at the library forever so I think I am going to go grab it this weekend. We also talked about The Beck Diet Solution by Dr. Judith Beck and the cognitive behavioral therapy approach that it uses that Weight Watchers does not have as part of their program. I have the workbook and I am going to start to use it. My whole therapy plan has been using CBT and training my brain to think different ways. I am interested in how these will help.
I have continued to play around with the FX camera on my phone. I love this picture for some reason.