Monday, November 1, 2010

Disgusted

I have been feeling fairly ugly lately. I am disgusted by my weight. I am disgusted by this disgusting piece of vitriol put out by Marie Claire. If you haven't read about it on various blogs, I linked to the article, Should Fatties Get A Room?, which basically says that overweight people shouldn't be on TV and they should not have any sort of love interest because the author is too disgusted by it because of the TV program, Mike and Molly.

All of this and my looking in the mirror and seeing nothing but unlovable ugliness and I am slipping back into the shadow's realm. It sucks. My weight is wicked high. My self esteem is wicked low. I just want to curl up in the bed and hibernate. I can't do this to myself again.

I am going to take one day at a time and find a Weight Watchers meeting again. There has to be a leader in the Boston area I will like. I have get control of my mind. Maybe it is time to think about adjusting things a bit. I don't know. It is the time of year where the trees lose their leaves and my mood plummets.

My birthday is in 2 days too. I can't believe another year has gone by and I am stuck on the same path. I have signed up to go to a grad school open house at Boston University's Metropolitan College in the Urban Planning program.


At last tomorrow, all the political mail, sign holders, TV commercials, smear campaigns, lies, etc will be over. Don't forget to vote! Hopefully, some of people and issues I voted for will win.

I heard this and loved it. It spoke to my mind tonight and I wanted to share it with you. 
 

5 comments:

  1. we met at blogher, i don't know if you remember me, but this post really got to me. you are worth SO very much and you absolutely have the power to change the road you're on. it takes time, it may take a long, long time. but you are powerful and strong and capable. and that in and of itself is incredibly beautiful.

    you can do it!

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  2. I do remember you from Blogher. I read your blog and Twitters. It was just something I had to get out of my head tonight. I had been sort of hiding it, I guess. It is best to get is all out sometimes.

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  3. Jen- I just wanted to say hi. I came across your blog while perusing someone else's. I wonder if we've crossed paths before on the GDT- dont know if you are active there- Im not anymore but used to be and from your posts it seems you've done weight watchers before.

    Anyway. Ive been struggling with anxiety and depression for about 6 years now. certainly not a lifetime but long enough to know it sucks. I am going through a really rough time myself right now and it always seems easier to try to lift someone else up rather than oneself.

    Obviously i dont know you but you seem like a very caring, intelligent and beautiful woman. I hope that things start to look better soon.

    It also seems form your post that you will be 37 on Wednesday? SO will I. no joke. Ive met i think 2 people with my birthday im my lifetime and never the same year!

    Anyway i just wanted to say hi.Sorry for the "anonymous". My email has my last name in it so didnt want to post it here. i hope you have a good night

    --Deb

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  4. Yep, I am redheadedjen on the boards. I don't post as often as I used to but I do pop in sometimes. I need to get back. I was generally on the GDT and the 50+ to lose board.

    Happy Birthday to you! I have never met someone with the same exact birthday as me.

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  5. Ah cool I definitely remember the screen name. Im penguindeb. I posted on the GDT regularly until about a year ago or so and then just stopped. for no particular reason.

    Happy Birthday to you as well!!

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