Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Afraid of Rejection



I think I have trained my brain to expect rejection. That I have been hurt before so why not just think it is going to go wrong because then I won’t be so hurt. Unfortunately, I am still hurt a lot of the time.

Oh, I am not going to talk to him, he thinks I’m ugly or why bother asking so and so for something because it is just going to be no. It is a mindset I get stuck in and I am not sure how to get over it.

Has anyone actually changed the way their mind think about this?

It goes along with being told I have to be a “glass half full person” at work. I expect to get screwed so when it happens, it is easier to take. I think the worst is going to happen and well, it does, especially when I think of my family.

I have tried to think “Oh it’s going to be a wonderful day!” then someone elbows me in the chest on the subway. I also know people who have read or seen “The Secret” and that they probably say I get what I get because of it.

Self protection mechanisms are a lot of things but not self protecting!


  1. It is true that what you expect, you tend to attract. I think you know I've lived my life based on The Secret the past few years now and it has really turned things around for me. The key is to do it every day, and make a mental list of things you're grateful for vs. dwelling on what you don't have. I definitely believe that what you think about, you attract. It actually started with Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life" which I would recommend to you first because it's a great self-esteem helper and is all about leaving the past behind. The author had a rotten childhood and basically turned her life around through positive thinking when she was in her 40s. She wrote the book in the 80s...about 25 years before The Secret came out.

    Now having said all that, my latest romantic encounter with that guy I told you about just ended. We had one terrific date, some hot and heavy text exchanges, and then he stopped responding to me this past weekend. I texted him earlier today asking why he never responded to my email and never heard back. I believe he wasn't the right one for me and the universe is moving him out of the way so I can find the right man. The rejection still hurts like hell, though, especially when they just drop all contact with you with no explanation. I'm not sure it gets easier...but I do find I'm getting over this faster than past dating experiences. I'm also choosing to look on the bright side...at least I got a date with someone in the real world, offline for a change. I'm going to keep looking until I find him.

    And I don't think getting elbowed in the chest necessarily makes for a bad day. It's kind of hard to not get touched by other people when on public transportation.

  2. And to answer your question yep, I sure did change the way my mind worked. Having been bullied and teased in school simply for wearing glasses, I never thought of myself as attractive as other women until recently - now I celebrate myself and think and say "I am beautiful" and believe it, and I do think guys are picking up on it. All of us have attractive features and I know someone out there is going to go crazy for yours. And as for the dopes who don't, just push them out of the way!

  3. Hi Jen,

    I found your blog through Cheap Thrills Boston. You must have been at Blogtoberfest! I'm the EVENTS Insider guy but I have another blog where I dish out advice (somehow THAT works?!?!) and it seems to be consistent with your blog's theme that I might tell you a short, uplifting story about myself.

    I found I was doing a lot of "yes" to people who were draining me. One day I discovered the mantra, "It's not my fault, he/she is just a difficult person" and got some distance. I still see my dad, but less. I focus more on the friends who reach back to me. I found it led to a snowball of growing confidence.

    Obviously, I don't mean to suggest this has any bearing on your situation. That would be arrogant and stupid! But that is my story.

    The advice blog is at http://WheelQuestions.org and I would be curious for your feedback feedback! :)


  4. Maybe this is not so much about fear or rejection as it is recognizing a waste of one's time.Do we really believe that guys who have "given up" are scared of something? Who wants to approach a young lady ( who claims that men MUST approach, or else!) so that she can start her obligatory testing?
    Any rational person would not waste their time with such a situation, so I do not see that any fear is involved at all. It is just ,plain common sense!


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