Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Peering Out

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Isn’t that rat cute? I think so but that is not the point. I feel like a rat in a cage. Always looking outside but trapped.

Maybe I am just losing hope. As I get closer to 37, I fear that I wasted so much time dwelling on the past that now that I think about the future, I feel I missed much of it and that I probably won’t get it. My chance to have a family was messed up by silly mistakes I made with past boyfriends.

I am not sure what has gotten into me tonight. I went for a walk to a grocery store about 1.5 miles from my house to buy a few groceries and it felt good but when I got home I got back into that thought mode and it just brings me down.

I got an email from Dove Movement for Self Esteem today. I thought to myself wish I had a daughter to do that with but then thought that my self esteem is in the toilet today. I need fix my self esteem before I helped anyone with theirs.

I have pledged to eat unprocessed food in October at Eating Rules. I’ll write more about it tomorrow because it was a last second thing I added because I just joined off of a blog I read. You should join me.

1 comment:

  1. Came across your blog via a comment you left for Kenz. I know how you feel about the wasting of time... I feel like I wasted my twenties to being heavy and it still plagues me. Motivates me not to waste my thirties though. It's hard to change but making that step, that step toward change every day is what makes forward progress. The past is done, and while it sucks, it's there. I just try and learn from it and remember that when ever I don't wanna whatever... I need to just do it. The feeling of getting things done (while it may be hard and scary to do so) is better than regret.

    Sorry to soapbox, but this post I landed on, struck a cord in me. Look forward to reading more.

    Hope it's not too rainy on teh South Shore today.

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