Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Sweltering Mind

Another hot day in Boston today. The temperature setting in my car said 103 degrees today. That is hot for Boston.

I started my day making sure the rent for Dad’s apartment was paid for July. Once that was done, I went to visit Dad. He is convinced he is in a torture center. Seriously, he is asking for an investigation into the torturing that has been going on. I hate listening to it because there wasn’t any torture happening. In the first day in the ICU, they had to restrain his hands so he would not pull out the drain in his brain and they were a bit confused about his CPAP and they stopped him from adjusting it. That was his torture. He wasn’t quite as mean today but he called the previous nurse from yesterday a name, even though she was not involved in either incident.

I hate seeing him like this. It is not him and if this is what he will become, I am not sure I can take it. His meanness and bitterness is too much. He used to talk about death all the time but now, he is just mean. It just makes me want to cry. He doesn’t even want to listen to me. I seem to have to handle everything so if it is not me, no one else will do it.

I go back to work tomorrow. Back to some sense of normalcy.

I have to pick my brother up from work tonight so it is going to be a late night for me. As I don’t have air conditioning in my apartment, I am going to go and sit under a fan.

4 comments:

  1. Hi Jen,
    So sorry to hear about your dad. I hope things get better soon. The hospital can be a scary place for people - hopefully he'll be himself soon.

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  2. That is tough to read about, let alone imagine you experiencing it. Hopefully he will feel more like his old self soon. I hope your siblings and you are being each other's support system during this difficult time.

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  3. Yes and no. We are handling it all differently. Secret Sister is telling me to call her to talk but she'll just get angry and fight with me about what I talk about.

    She wants to work out a you visit one day, she visits the next type of deal, which may be good, for both of us.

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  4. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad.

    Your sister's idea to alternate is a good one. Let other family members share the burden. You can't take on everything yourself, nor should you have to.

    Best wishes :)

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