I went to the gym after work and had a hard work out in the glide and roll class. I was a total sweaty mess when I got done. I was hopefully that all of my hard work would pay off with the nutritionist after. It didn’t. I gained 1.2 lbs after walking twenty miles and working out several times last week. Oh well.
The nutritionist told me that my demeanor changed after I got weighed in. It did. I hate the number on the scale. It makes me happy if it is down or depressed if it is up. I went from bubbly to blah in a matter of minutes. I try my hardest not to let the number on the scale get me down but it does.
Everything is based on that number. It is like my sense of worth is held in that number. I got home and just really wanted to curl up in a corner and cry. I didn’t but I wanted to.
The nutritionist and I talked about what happened the other times I lost and gained. I said I did not think of the future at all. She said forward thinking is important. As someone who was so obsessed with the past, I find it hard to think about the future. Where do I see myself in 5 years? No where.
I have to really work on forward thinking. I can’t change the past but I can affect my future. I don’t think my future will be much different then today. I’ll probably still be single 5 years from now. I’ll be 41. I want more. What, I don’t know.
I did ok eating today. I brought my breakfast to work, which was my yogurt concoction consisting of 1 cup of Fat Free Stonyfield Farms plain yogurt, defrosted frozen mixed berries, a little cereal and a bit of honey.
It was pretty good and a big pink mess when I got to work.
I brought a piece of German wheat bread with turkey, cheese and spinach for lunch with a banana. For snacks, I had a pear and a Quaker bar.
Dinner was 2 pieces of pizza left over from the other day. That is it for the pizza. I also had a little ice cream while watching LOST.
I am not sure where LOST is going but I have watched every single episode and I will watch until the end. As usual, more questions.
My mood today was not good or bad, just kind of there. The weighing in problem did not help.