Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Today is a very gray, cold, windy and gloomy day here in Boston. It sort of fits my mood to a tee. I feel very blah today. I feel ugly and worthless. I wish I could stay under the covers all day. Maybe it is PMS or my doctor's appointment earlier today or just the wackiness of work all of a sudden. If you live in the Boston area and follow the local news, the building where the shooting and stabbing were yesterday was one of the buildings I manage. I had my annual gyn appointment today. I have been taken off BCPs and will need an ultrasound to see if fibroids have returned. I had a myomectomy nine years ago and there was always a chance they could return. We will also explore the Mirena IUD, Depo-provera or the mini-pill. I don't know what to do. I need to do my research depending on what the ultrasound says. I haven't felt this way in a while. I don't want to look in the mirror. I don't like what I see. This time of year is also depressing. The trees are losing their leaves and are starting to look naked. The combination of things have hit me hard. Luckily, my therapy appointment and I will definitely need to talk.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
I have been a busy knitter lately. Probably because I have been broke and what else is there to do? It is also something to do while it is cold out, as it has been, while watching TV. I am almost done with the February Lady Sweater. I only have a couple of inches and a bunch of tails to weave in left. Boots is a noisy cat. He just can't resist. I am also working an Owl Baby Vest as a gift for a pregnant friend. It is coming out good. It is hard to make out the owls. The next picture I take will focus on the owls. Finally, I am starting on Christmas gifts. I am not sure who will get this reversible scarf. I have not gotten very far with it. I am doing the Palindrome scarf. Friday night, on the way to wonderful Woonsocket, we hit a big piece of concrete. We didn't see it until it was too late and it caused two bent rims and one flat tire. We had some quality time on the side of 95 South near Rt. 140 in Foxboro. It was a bummer for him since he just bought tires 3 weeks ago. I did get to spend time with him! His birthday is Tuesday and I think I am going to get him an mp3 player so he can retire his CD player he takes to the gym. Plus, I am taking next Friday and Monday off to spend some time with him and his daughter. I can't wait!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I don't often talk about politics here but the other night I watched Frontline's The Warning on PBS.
This is the type of stuff Frontline does best. I was fascinating from the first minute. Basically, it talks about Brooksley Born, the Chair of the Commodity Futures Trading System from 1996 - 1999 and her attempt to get the Financial Wizards (Alan Greenspan, Robert Rubin, Larry Summers, Tim Geithner,etc) to regulate derivatives. I am not in any way, shape or form a financial person but this program riled me up.
These "men" greatly contributed to the financial situation today. Never mind that they may or may not have been sexist, but they went through underhanded tactics to resist Born's attempt to regulate derivatives. Had this happened, things might have been different today.
To further insult things, Summers and Geithner are part of Obama's economic circle. So much for change in his administration. I am neither a Republican or Democrat but this goes beyond that. These are powerful bankers that have us by the throat and continue to choke us.
Image from copyright Time Magazine
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Yes, it is today, October 21st, is National Love Your Body Day. Unfortunately, I am not celebrating as I should.
As I type this, my ears are buzzing and my head hurts. This has been going on for days. It does not inspire love today.
I feel very dumpy. Yes dumpy. My clothes are blah. My body feels blah. I need a kick or something.
Or maybe just a few days off and a new gym or maybe some new clothes or....
The buzzing would stop.
Monday, October 19, 2009
The past couple of days have inspired a funk in me. I just don't feel like the content person I have been generally feeling like. Maybe it is the weather or the fact I am totally broke or maybe work, which has been not so good lately. It really depresses me. Now, I want to curl up under my desk and disappear. I woke up yesterday, went and did some errands then came home and put my flannel bottoms on. I watched the wonderful Patriots game yesterday. I love football in the snow. Then tried some knitting. I started some gifts I hope to give and I am almost done with the sweater. I am going to a dementia symposium on Wednesday night. I am looking forward to it.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Most of my life, "We don't have the money for that" was prevalent. In fact, it is still prevalent. I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. I have enough to pay my bills and that is about it.
I need to start budgeting better and sticking to it. I need to start allocating what little money I have left over after the bills so I know what I can spend, save, etc..
I don't know where to begin.
Maybe balancing the checkbook for once might be a place to start. I am sort of afraid to look.
Monday, October 12, 2009
So, this weekend went by way to fast as usual.
I went to the Topsfield Fair on Saturday. There were lots of animals and of course, hot cider.
I saw a bunny version of Boots.
Lots of baby chicks!
This one posed for my shot.
This would make a lot of toast or buttered popcorn, for sure.
And there was one bunny plotting the takeover of the the World.
On Sunday, I worked for a few hours then went to Woonsocket to visit Rich. We had dinner with his parents and then got to watch fireworks from his backyard. It was chilly then but when I left this morning to go to work (working on the holidays suck), it was freezing. There was thick frost on my windshield.
I am so not ready for this. I have to clear the stuff away from the heater. I have a feeling, I will have to turn the heat on soon. I am already wrapping myself in a blanket to avoid paying National Grid any extra money. I just got done paying my bill for the heat last winter. Budget payments are great but once you are done, you start again.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.
I just want to get through the day in one piece. I have an allergist appointment tomorrow morning, where I will learn nothing. I am allergic to nothing and the hives and stuff is all in my head. I should just skip it and save the $30 co-pay.
Once I get home tomorrow, I am going to collapse on the couch and maybe not move until I transfer into bed.
I am bummed that Rich is working two doubles this weekend. I really want to see him and have actually been thinking about the M word with him a lot this week. It is about time that I think about the future and not dwell on the past.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
One day, I feel fine.
The next, my mood is mostly ok but I feel completely yucky, which thus signals a downturn in the mood, etc.
Ever since I went back on Loestrin, my PMS is back. When I was off of it, I had no PMS but I had wacky periods. Back on Loestrin, it is the opposite.
In the past, when I was on Estrostep, I wanted to jump off of a bridge before my period. My mood was at an all time low. I was crying at a drop of a pencil and really, for the first time ever, even at my lowest point in depression, I felt like the Tobin Bridge was an option. I got off of that pill and my mood, while still depressed, was no longer suicidal.
With Yasmin, it affected my contact usage. I like my contacts (as well as my glasses). It affects the pressure of your eyes.
I find it hard to believe that such little pills can have that much of an impact on me.
Monday, October 5, 2009
It is Friend Making Mondays! Thanks to AE Filkins. My big hobby that was quite active this weekend is knitting. I love it. Not only does it help soothe me and focus on something other then my crazy mind. It makes me happy, except when I can't get the stitches in knitting in the round to un-twist. GAH! So, I am almost done with the February Ladies Sweater. I just have one more sleeve to knit, weave in the ends and sew on the cool buttons. Then I will be strutting around in it. I was frustrated with twists as I was knitting a baby sweater that I decided to take some old leftover yarn and start knitting in the round. It turned into this baby hat. I will probably donate it. I don't know anyone with a baby girl who could use it. Finally, I started Violette hat by French Girl Knits. It will be for me.
So, I am walking home from work tonight. It is cool and quiet. Just solitary me walking down the street. I began thinking about myself. When will I know that it is time to start to reduce my medicine? Am I feeling better because of the medicine or in spite of it? Will I be on medicine forever? I don't know the answer to the questions. My therapist seems to think that we should leave everything alone. I wish I knew the answers.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Though, I grew up near by, Quincy has been my home for over 5 years. Surprisingly, I found a few things that have helped me in my battle with depression. 1. Thomas Crane Library Who wouldn't be a little happy to have a library like this in their city?
2. Nut Island Yes, it is a sewage treatment plant to make fertilizer pellets but the views are gorgeous and it is a place for me to get away from it all. All in Hough's Neck. From Mwra.org 3. Wollaston Beach It is just a 15 minute walk away and escape from my day. 4. MBTA Yes, I know it sucks. Yes, I have experienced many many days in delays and waiting for Braintree trains but, I feel lucky to live near a T station. It is my time to de-stress on most days, with a book or knitting, after work.
Image by B Tal via Flickr