Sunday, April 26, 2009

Another weekend gone!

Oops, I hit enter instead of tab. Oops! So, this weekend I went to the 2009 Sheep Shearing Festival at Gore Place in Waltham. Here are some pictures: Sheep waiting to be sheared: Sheep being sheared: It was a great day - sunny in the 70s. There were lots and lots of people there. I restrained myself from buying yarn but I did get some 50% off knitting magazines and goat's milk soap, which I am running out of. Also, I am trying to figure out a solution, short of buying an animal vacuum for the one room with carpeting in my apartment, to cat fur on my comforter. It is coming to prime cat shedding season. I am going through lots and lots of sticky sheets but Boots, the offender, sleeps there while I am gone and for a small animal, he puts out a lot of fur. Here is a picture of the problem on the comforter: He is cute and purrs a lot but the cat fur is everywhere! Sticky sheets work but going through a roll of them every week is well, not budget friendly.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Happy Patriot's Day

Unfortunately, unlike a good portion of the state, I don't get the day off. I could have used to day as a day off. I read an article on Boston.com about an 11 year old boy who committed suicide after being bullied relentlessly. It brought up a lot of issues from my childhood. When I look back at old photographs, I see that the taunts of being fat, tall and ugly were just plain untrue. I developed very young and I totally regret never telling my parents about the sexual harassment I went through in grade school. I had to fight the boys off from grabbing at me in class. It caused many of the issues I have today. I was such a kid then, much more kid-like then the kids today. I responding my going in my room after getting home from school for years. My room was my sanctuary. I gained the weight as a protection shield. No one would touch me if I am 300 lbs. I don't have kids so I don't know how it is today in school but at least most schools seems to be more aware of it. They are definitely more aware of sexual harassment in today's classroom, except maybe in the Springfield public schools which were discussed in the article. So today, I stepped on the scale first thing this morning, logged my weight and rejoined WW online. I don't get much out of meetings but do like the program in general. So, I brought my lunch today and am drinking water. I momentarily beat myself up over the weight I have gained. Then I thought about it and said I am not..... That I should not let that inner voice have a say. Today, I am happy about old photos. While bad memories were brought back, good memories were also there. It was a time when my family was "normal" and not the dysfunctional mess it became.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Finally, Friday

So, it has been a tough few days emotionally with has equalled bad eating for me. Not so much bad, as quantity IE half a bag of cookies or lots of ice cream. I had trouble buckling up my pants this morning. So...... Off to Weight Watchers I go this weekend or at least sign up for online since meetings don't do much for me. Ugh, I have struggled with my weight all my life. From being called fat, when I really wasn't, at 8 to hitting 300 lbs at 25. It has been an up and down roller coaster and I want to get off. I understand that after so much stress, I find comfort in food. Yes, I said it. Food is comforting. When R can't be there, food can. It doesn't judge. It does, however, make me judge myself. Trying get my jeans on this morning, I was certainly saying "How could I," "I am such a pig." etc. I acknowledge that I turn to food when there is no one to turn to. Tonight, I am getting together with my friend, C. That makes me happy!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Sadness

I love my sister, T. I always wanted to be closer then we were but it didn't work out that way. I am broken up on how my sister has treated my father and my mother. Medicaid (MA Health) needed some information on a loan that her and my father were paying on. Since it was in T's name, T needed to give the information to the nursing home. T refused to. Now, Medicaid will reject Mom and we will need to go to a hearing once we get rejected. This is just the topping on the cake. The sale of my parent's house went horrible. The lesson learned: do not sell real estate to relatives. Relations back then were rocky but I still saw her now and then. I am not sure I can forgive T for this. I know Dad has said he has lost a daughter and that T has lost a Dad. T may have lost more then just a father. I think she was always embarrassed by us. I am not sure why. Mom and Dad, while not perfect, did not beat or abuse us. Hell, if I can forgive them for not getting me help for my depression back then, she should be able to after all Dad has done for her. (And I know too much on some of the stuff he has helped her out of.) I will miss my nephews. They are gorgeous boys. I loved playing ping pong and air hockey with them. I will miss seeing them grow up. I will miss having my sister in my life. As for something to be happy about today....this is a tough one. I will say my Diet Pepsi Wild Cherry drink next me as I type, just for bringing some zing in my day.

Monday, April 13, 2009

A Little Update

So, being addicted to Google reader has shown me nice, picture filled blogs. I am going to start to carry my camera around to bring pictures to my blog. My Easter went well. We took Mom out of the nursing home for Easter dinner and she was, by far, the happiest I have seen in a long time. We will probably begin taking her out once a month or so. Besides that, I felt a little weird when I got home. I felt like I was not supposed to be sad on a day like Easter and with Mom happy, but I was. I did some knitting and laundry to take my mind off of things but it was there, lurking in the shadows, as usual. Having a killer headache did not help things. So today, to be a little positive, I am going to post something that made me happy today. My purring cat (yes, the conniving beast) made me happy this morning, as he does most days. I love how he waits at the door for me every day and meows happily when he sees me.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Hockey! Irish Music!

Well, it is almost the weekend and I am struggling a bit this morning. I went with R to see Gaelic Storm last night at Showcase Live! in Foxboro. Prior to that we ate dinner at the over-priced, over-stimulated CBS Scene. The food was pretty good even if it was a bit over-priced. The service, however, was slow. It took the waitress 15 minutes to come over after we were seated. There was a tv in our booth where we could watch the madness that was the Bruins and Canadiens. What a fun slug fest that was! The boys were definitely a little feisty last night. We didn't want to stop watching the game but the show was calling so we went over there to see them. Gaelic Storm was great. R kept checking his crackberry to see what the score was. I was dancing around to the great Celtic music. We got there late so we were standing in the back but the acoustics in the small venue were great and we could still see. At the end of the show we drove back to Woonsocket to R's house and I was exhausted. I decided to stay there so at 5 am, I crawled out of bed and back home to a meowing Boots. Here I am at 8 am, already with 3 cups of coffee. It should be a good weekend!

Monday, April 6, 2009

April showers do not bring pilgrims

At least here in Quincy they don't. It was definitely a galoshes day in Boston. Hopefully, May flowers will come. I went out for a drink at The Fours with the tall blond on Saturday. For the first time ever, someone I was with was shut off. The bartender said that he could not serve her. Now, she tends to get a little belligerent if you suggest she is drunk so I was a bit worried about telling her. She took it ok and went home. R had gotten out of work by then and had joined us. We should have gone to the Fowler House, so we could have walked home. I did a lot of knitting this weekend. My shawl will be ready soon, I think. Me and R put together a book shelf just for my knitting/sewing/crafting books.

Friday, April 3, 2009

TGIF

So another week has gone by. It is a rainy, cold, miserable day here in the Boston area. I had an eye appointment this morning. One eye now needs a slightly stronger prescription then the other but she decided to keep my contact prescription the same. I did, however, change from monthly contacts to ever 2 week contacts. I could never keep the monthlies good to wear them a full month. I an effort to not spend too much time alone, I am going to Antico Forno tonight for dinner. Being Italian, I love Italian food. Perhaps I will get the gnocchi. Then, I will meet up with R after he gets off of work. It has just the food for a day like this as April has miserable showers. This weekend, I hope to eat 5 servings of veggies, get a table for my sewing machine (finally), knit, watch some movies, hang with R and visit Mom.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Why?

Why was I cursed with my body? At 35, I should be used to this now but my cramps are debilitating. I had to get off of the subway this morning to get some air and lean over for a while, it was bad. I really need to get to an endocrinologist to figure out why my schedule is the way it is. I am now pledging to be healthy. I cancelled my WW monthly pass today. Firstly, because my credit card number was the poached number, it came back as unable to process. Then I thought that perhaps I should stop wasting $35 a month for something I am not using. I could put it to better use. So instead of inputting a new number, I cancelled it. I just want to be healthy in mind, body (see above) and soul. I am going to take it one day at a time. I want to get 5 servings of vegetables in, limit treats and attempt to eat unprocessed foods. That is it for now. If I can do a week of this, I will be happy. I have to think of a little reward for my goodness, maybe a latte.