Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A Winter Beating

I am so tired of cold and snow. I woke up this morning to the anticipated snow and it took every bit of energy for me to get out of bed. This winter has been very snowy and cold. Really, I want to hibernate as I have mentioned in the past. Getting out has been challenging to saw the least. So, I have started to knit a shawl with baby alpaca yarn. It is so soft. I can't wait until I am done. I have only done about 3 rows so I have a lot more to knit but as usual I have the excitement of a new knitting project. I also went sewing machine shopping but neither store I went to had the machine I wanted. I will have to look again this weekend. I am also shopping for a car this weekend. R and I will be hitting the dealerships this weekend. I am taking him along because I hate buying cars. I hate the way salesmen make me feel. I will be self confident with him there. I am looking at a Ford. In my limited research, the Ford Focus was rated on better then the competing cars. I have driven my other cars for around almost 10 years a piece. I will know better once I actually sit behind the wheel and test drive the car.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Fire and Calm

Well, there was a fire at work this week. It was a small electrical fire and did not cause much damage except that half of the building was without power. Since I manage the building, it was a hectic day. By the time I got home from work on Wednesday and Thursday night, I was so tired that I could barely keep awake for LOST, which I have been waiting months for. I have been looking at the old photographs that I got from Mom's everything we have ever given her drawer. I find it interesting to see how I changed over the years. I start out looking cute then by high school, I am so bloated that you would not recognize me. It has me thinking of the past again, which I need to avoid. I can not change the past. It has made me stronger. I have to repeat that to myself over and over again. Yes, my family was dysfunctional. My Mom had a hoarding problem and Dad was a zombie. I locked myself in my room outside of school for 4 years. It made me stronger. I am really starting to believe it. I am tough. I do get depressed but I realized I needed help. I try to keep everyone together. My past had made me what I am today. I still look at the those pictures and wish that it could have been different.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Live from the ice tundra

It is beyond freezing here in the Boston area. I do not tolerate the cold at all. I currently have 3 layers on and a blanket wrapped around me. It doesn't help that it is so expensive to heat my old 1 bedroom apartment. I definitely feel a difference in mood in the winter. I really want to hibernate. The loner side of me says "I've got enough fat to survive the winter and come out looking pretty good in the spring" or "If bears can do it, so can I!" Really, it is so hard to get up out of the flannel sheets in the morning. I wake up later and later for work each morning. I think I need a new moving alarm clock. The radio just is not cutting it any longer. I could lay there in peace all day listening to NPR with Boots purring next to me. Though lately Boots has been a big pain in the morning. He likes to push my alarm clock over. Do all cats like to push things off of counters? I felt like Randy in the Christmas story this morning. I could not put my arms down! I guess it is a sign that I need to lose some weight so I can fit even more layers under the coat. I have been content in my mood lately. I spent a lot of cozy time with R this weekend, Mom is settling in the home well and I have lots of blankets to snuggle with. The shadow is at bay. After the last two weeks, I am happy it is.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

A rough week

Well, I haven't written much lately because things have been so hectic. Mom went into a nursing home on Wednesday and seems to be settling in well. I was very worried for a moment that she would fight all the way but she only really had one nasty day and when she got there, she was happy and introduced herself to everyone. It was a really big weight off of my shoulders. I have been feeling better. Over the weekend, I was definitely having trouble with Mom's situation. I cried for the Mom I wish I had and cried for the Mom I have. I put out my stiff upper lip and kept control of myself when I was with her. She is so young and she did nothing to deserve her fate. I am taking better care of myself and my background voice has been absent. I am eating better after putting the holidays behind me. It is important that I do not forget about myself during the tough times. I may go shopping for a sewing machine this weekend. I am so excited!!!!!