Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Taking out the trash

I have spent a lot of time examining myself and getting to know myself. I have done fairly well with battling the shadow though there are days when it takes over. I am generally feeling good about myself. Which, really, has been a long battle with in itself. Why do I have such a hard time wrapping myself around this weight problem? I have been overweight my entire life. I don't know what it will be like when I lose the weight. Part of me is scared. I know the reasons why I thought fat = safety. In a way, it did. I hated being the center of attention and no one would notice or see me if I weighed 300 lbs. Very few people did. Some traumatic events (to me) happened as a child that changed my perception of attention. Working on my self esteem has taught me that I should not be ashamed of myself. That all attention is not bad-intentioned. That I should be noticed for who I am. I am worth it. That is right. I am going to say it again. I AM WORTH IT. I had hot oat bran cereal this morning with the raisins/cranberries and brown sugar. I love oat bran cereal. I know it is a texture thing, like eating ziti without lines, as opposed to with lines. Oat bran is like Cream of Wheat, only with fiber. For lunch I had 2 slices of whole wheat bread with a slice of 2% cheese, BBQ chicken deli meat and a slice ham with a bit of mayonnaise. For snack, I had two bite size candy bars and some grapes. Dinner was my typical saute with peppers, onions, beef, black beans and some cheese. I had a Starbucks non-fat vanilla latte at knitting tonight. I got a half hour walk in today. Not as much as yesterday but it was something. Only two more days until the long weekend. I can't wait. Does anyone in the Quincy/Boston area have any gym recommendations? I need a new health club. QAC just does not do it anymore.

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