Thursday, August 28, 2008

No go...

So the big day did not happen. It is postponed until next week. Gah! I should have known. Peanut M&Ms hit the spot a little while ago. I went to the local store to buy them and the cashier said, "You always look sad. Why?" I had just placed my precious peanut M&Ms down and was sort of blind sided by the question, while I shuffled change to find .99 cents. I don't think I look sad all time. I have been feeling better. Why does this comment bother me so much? Life has taken an upturn. I had a headache, not helped by the Peanut M&Ms, by the way. I said "I don't know" and wandered out. Really, what was I supposed to say? I could have given him the sob story and broken down right there in Tedeschi's but no, I don't know popped into my head. I go to that store often as it is in next to where I work. The thought gives me more of a headache. P.S. Mars, bring back the Tan M&Ms, thank you.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Tomorrow is the big day.

Tomorrow is the meeting of the attorney's for the Estate of my grandmother's closing. It makes me nervous. Mom has been treated badly by my aunt and uncle and I am hoping that all goes well. If I did not have to work, I would be knitting all day. It is the type of day I need to be soothed. So my first sewing project is complete. The picture is not the best, but you get the idea of the bag. I used Amy Butler fabrics and I think it is a great bag. For a 1st project, I think I did well. I am so excited about my color knitting, intro to sewing, sock club and sew club classes. I am totally addicted. It could be worse I suppose. Mood wise, things are ok. Work is hectic and stressful. I am alone this week at work, which is not the best situation for me.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Another day...

I got a call from Dad that he had fallen down and was on the way to the hospital. He has had cellulitis on his leg and he cut himself so he decided to drive himself to the hospital. He has my car. I could take the bus to get to the hospital if he gets admitted. Just another thing to worry about... I have started to think about the future. What if things go well with Rich (which so far they are)? Will I ever get married? Have kids? I haven't given the future much though. I have been wrapped up in the past. I can't change the past but there is a hopeful future. Will things turn around for Mom, Dad, Jimmy and Melinda? Step one is getting my own life in gear. Eating healthy, exercising, knitting, reading.... I have been neglectful of the first two things. So today is Day 1 of the rest of my life. Where will it lead me? Things are going very well with Rich. We decided to cancel the Match subscription. I am debating if I should approach him about meeting Mom and Dad. It would be a big step. I get nervous about him meeting Mom and maybe judging me like others have. I told Dad about Rich. At some point he will have to meet my family. I have to be prepared.

Friday, August 22, 2008


This week has been really stressful for me. I have been really busy at work and it doesn't look like it will let up soon. I can't seem to get myself up on time and I have had some crazy nightmares. Thank God it is Friday. I feel the need to knit. Really, I want to get crafty. Knitting gets me in a grove. I love it and find it is soothing to me. Currently, I am working on a sweater from the 101 Designer One Skein Wonders. It is a vest and hopefully it will fit me. Tonight, I am going to go home and knit before Rich comes over. I am probably going to take a color class this fall. I am excited. I would love to take a sewing class also. This crafty side has totally come out lately. I am making an Amy Butler Bag. I have never sewn anything in my life, apart from the bag. The bag looks great and I only have minor things to finish it up. I will post a picture when it is done. From Mycokerewards, I have a subscription to ReadyMade. I can't wait to make sure. I was thinking of seeing if there is a sewing machine on Freecycle. My mood has been good. I got a run in kickball last night. It felt so good! We won 12-5.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The new me

So, I have lost a ton of weight. People would comment that I am a different person. That I should be so happy now that I am not puffy (and I was super puffy). Now that I think about it, it sort of bothers me. I am the old me but thinner with some new interests. I still like the same nerdy things and do the same things, but now it makes me angry to think people treat me better now. Guys hold the door, look, smile at me and even hit on me now and then. Was I not good enough then? My self esteem was probably as good as it was then, even though it is not saying much as you probably have read. I actually had better luck dating then. I was optimistic that things would be great when I lost weight. Unfortunately, losing weight did not cure Mom's dementia, help their financial situation, my social situation or my confidence or make work less stressful. I feel like I have been cheated! Where are the the rainbows and puppy dogs????? I may look totally different. I may look younger. I was told I could have gotten away with murder but I am still the same history, science, animal lover, reader, football fan I always was. I have the same issues, that were hidden. I feel a burden now that I did not feel then. As for one of the problems that I mentioned, my parents may be coming into some money. My grandmother died two years ago and the estate is finally going to be settled next week. My aunt and uncle have been messing around with Mom for too long. I would prefer to totally written them off. Mom can't. They hate Dad and me. I want nothing to do with them. Hopefully, the estate talk will go well on Wednesday. I am keeping my fingers crossed. On the plus side, things are going well with Rich. Keep your fingers crossed for success in that realm also!

Monday, August 18, 2008

So this whole dating thing is weird. I get so nervous. Did I say something stupid? Will he like me if I be myself? I have been myself. Not trying to put up a front. He seems really nice and I like him. I am just weary. Since I met him, I have seen him several times and well, I like it, him too but that is a given I suppose. I forgot my meds on Saturday (since I spent Friday night with him). I felt like shit on Sunday. Really, I can totally see that I need the meds. I spent most of Sunday napping and not wanting to move off of the couch. My father commented that I looked down. I felt down! I will not forget to take the meds again.

Saturday, August 9, 2008


I have been on vacation for the week and it was really really really needed in my case. I am sad the week is almost over and that I must go back to work on Monday. This week has been busy for me. I went on a date with a man from Match (the only one I was emailing) and it went well. We work in the same industry and it was easy for me to talk to him. I met up with him three times this week. I like him and we will see. The kickball team I am on won on Thursday night and I have found out I enjoy chilled saltimbocca. I went on a whale watch on Friday and took my brother around Boston on Tuesday. The weather was blah. These on again, off again thunderstorms are annoying. All in all, my mood was better than it was last week. I feel somewhat refreshed and I will definitely take two weeks off before the end of the year.