Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The new me

So, I have lost a ton of weight. People would comment that I am a different person. That I should be so happy now that I am not puffy (and I was super puffy). Now that I think about it, it sort of bothers me. I am the old me but thinner with some new interests. I still like the same nerdy things and do the same things, but now it makes me angry to think people treat me better now. Guys hold the door, look, smile at me and even hit on me now and then. Was I not good enough then? My self esteem was probably as good as it was then, even though it is not saying much as you probably have read. I actually had better luck dating then. I was optimistic that things would be great when I lost weight. Unfortunately, losing weight did not cure Mom's dementia, help their financial situation, my social situation or my confidence or make work less stressful. I feel like I have been cheated! Where are the the rainbows and puppy dogs????? I may look totally different. I may look younger. I was told I could have gotten away with murder but I am still the same history, science, animal lover, reader, football fan I always was. I have the same issues, that were hidden. I feel a burden now that I did not feel then. As for one of the problems that I mentioned, my parents may be coming into some money. My grandmother died two years ago and the estate is finally going to be settled next week. My aunt and uncle have been messing around with Mom for too long. I would prefer to totally written them off. Mom can't. They hate Dad and me. I want nothing to do with them. Hopefully, the estate talk will go well on Wednesday. I am keeping my fingers crossed. On the plus side, things are going well with Rich. Keep your fingers crossed for success in that realm also!

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